a day to celebrate

being pregnant and carrying baby inside ur womb for nine months is the most wonderful experience you ever had. seeing my little cousin, mohd haikal hafiz (born on 7th december) sure got me eager to have another. well...which not advised by my previous doctor. (she strongly told me not to get pregnant at least for another 5 years) ..

i could still recall both time when i hold my precious babies. fifi was so small compared to amani and she looked more fragile than her sister. i remember how loud fifi cried in the nursery (which woke up most of the babies) and the nurse told me, she was the loudest (well, even today). amani...well, she cried the first day and the nurse could not put her down until she was put beside me. then she sleep like a baby.

amani

fifi

there were much more memories about them which i'm sure every mum had and have not forgoten too..





to my dearest maksu,





congratulation for your newborn baby.

album lama

semalam menyibukkan diri dengan membelek albm lama. ada yg buat sengih sesorang, ada yg buat rasa terkilan and sedih. agaknya mungkin sbb dah lama tak jumpa kekawan lama, terus sayu semacam.

perasaan ingin bekerja semula tetiba je datang..terasa rindu lak. and kekadang buat rasa depressed pun ada.

something about the way daphne (bai boo magazine - gurdian) buat aku terpikir memacam. she said, 'there's no two way about it.'

you can choose to be a fulltime mother or a career mother. either way, you shouldnt have to feel oblighed coz at the end, it will not bring any happiness to u or to ur kids. parenting didnt stop when our kids got married..it stop when we close our eyes- something that i learned while spending too much time reading online. and yes, i do feel happy and lucky because i could watched every steps they took and every details of their life with me. i glad and thankful.

but i'm not perfect. and having this urge to go outside and work, have make me felt misrable inside coz i know deep down, i cannot trust anyone with my kids.

when i read capt's blog - there i was reminded. set my priorities...he always remind me (during my work days) and much more advise and wisdom of words that i have lately forgoten. there were some of his entry that make me think again and again how my life have been this past few years. how ups and downs gave me enough strength to smile again and not to feel regret on some things that have been in mind lately.

i have make the choice. and yes, i'm happy with my choice...

so, if i feel out of blue in future, remind me how precious life is..

happy oktober

wanna wish happy birthday

to my dearest friends and mentor

they are too precious to me

i pray and hope

may they have a blessing happiness

blessing life with their family and kids

blessing joy and serenity with their love one.

HFMD

hand, foot and mouth diseases..

i read about it...but i take it for granted. now? my two precious baby are being effected by it. alhamdullilah..both of them are getting better.

hfmd -

-boleh dijangkiti dgn mudah kpd kanak2 berusia 3 tahun kebawah.

-jangkitan melalui sentuhan secara langsung (direct contact from one person to another) dgn -lelehan dari hidung and tekak atau najis.

-lagi senang dijangkiti kalau di minggu pertama virus bermula.

tanda jangkitan?

- demam panas yg tinggi (>39 darjah)

- ruam lampin (amat ketara)

-bintik2 merah di tangan and kaki (mcm campak)

-ruam di tangan especially tapak tangan and kaki

-ulser mulut

-hilang selera makan, penat/ lesu, tak aktif

-restless di waktu malam

kesan?

boleh menyebabkan jangkitan paru2 and jantung (according to our doctor).

kalau jangkitan tak serius, biasanya akan ok selepas 10 hari...

anak akan hilang selera makan, susut berat badan, ulser mulut, tak boleh tido malam.

even ruam or bintik merah dah hilang tapi virus masih ada - and bole menyebabkan jangkitan.

susulan daripada jangkitan kedua boleh berlaku- kalau serius and perlu dipantau oleh parents.

komplikasi?

-if tak serius, boleh sihat dalam tempoh 7-10 hari.

- if not, infection boleh menyebabkan kematian...fatal.

my babies?

first time nampak bintik merah di tangan fifi and amani, aku ingatkan sbb kena gigit dek nyamuk or semut (maklmla baru balik dr beraya). then it became more serious bila bintik tu mcm berair. amani start demam, tapi aku duk ingatkan sbb berjangkit demam dari ayah depa. so aku bagi ubat demam mcm biasa. bila bintik di tangan fifi and amani makin ketara, fifi plak yg demam. that day, memang dia tak melompat mcm biasa. senyap jer tengok tv and lesu semcm. bila dah demam panas, aku ingatkan campak sbb bintik2 merah makin banyak and it seem like chicken pox. aku duk fikir, takkan campak lagi...huby pun start pikir yg sama. bila tangan and kaki amani makin ketara, pi check up..sbb takut kudis or allergic.

rupa2 dr cakap hfmd...aku time tu dah naik gabra..memang takut sangat sbb even aku dah pernah baca pasal ni tapi aku tak ingat kesan dia. ambik tak pusing sampailer kena dek anak sendiri. fifi langsung tak nak susu and makan sbb ulser mulut and blister. dr cakap tak serius lagi so kami kena tengok tiga simptom - tak aktif, muntah2 and sesak nafas. kalau ada tiga2 tanda ni, maknanya kena bawak pi pital and serius. perasaan aku? tak yah cakap la. ayah depa pun tak sampai hati tengok tangan and kaki fifi yg teramatla menyedihkan. susut berat badan dia. muka pun dah nampak kecik.

nasib baik amani tak serius mcm kakak dia. a few days jer bintik tu naik. lepas dah start mkn ubat, dia aktif mcm biasa, bintik pun dah tak ada. alhamdllilah. cuma fifi yg teruk skit. malam2 tak leh tido sbb duk garu..actually, tak bole di biarkan, so selalunya kami gosok jer. sian kat huby sbb terpaksa mengorbankan tido.

sudahla fifi ni susah sangat nak bagi makan ubat, lagila huby tak sampai hati nak suap. aku ler....kalu menangis pun, menangis la dalam hati. tak sampai hati tengok anak sakit mcm tu.

hari ni tengok fifi dah start menari2 balik. aku lega yang amat sangat. susu pun dah start minum semalam. alhamdullilah..cuma makan jer kurang lagi. bintik still ada and ada yg makin susut. ruam di punggung pun dah makin tak ada...lega sangat.

dr advised bagi makan ais krim sbb blister dalam mulut. air pun air sejuk, jgn panas or suam. fifi tido pun tak berbaju sbb gatal and panas. tak bole bagi dia dalam keadaan berpeluh, or else bintik2 merah akan memedihkan dia.

yg sedihnya, fifi tak bole bagitau kami kat mana dia sakit...apa yg dia rasa...haih..tetiba teringat time dia sakit kuning and being warded dulu. fragile sangat2...

so parents yg kat luar tu, take note la...mcm aku ni, ignorant sangat. bila dah jadi, mulala kalut baca apa yg ada...mula la sibuk simpan info..

selamat hari raya

selamat hri raya to all

hopefully this year bring ur a great joy and hapiness...

soyi yer terlambat wish..

raya tahn ni, yg sonoknyer tengok fifi and amani

yang tak sonoknyer bila handbag hilang bersertakan purse, camera and etc..huhuhu

nantiler kiter citer lagi k.

malam ni kasi intro dulu.

permata hati ibu and ayah

amani - sama tak dgn kakak dia?

cold

nak tido tapi takleh tido

mata dah ngantuk ni tapi rasa mcm berat sangat nak bum bum

badan memang rasa penat sbb otak rasa penat sangat

nape ek?

sbb anak2 bertuah aku demam...dua2 lak tu...

demam selsema lak tu

penat.... aku pun rasa mcm nak demam ni

tulunnn

double joy

hepi sesangat ari ni sbb jeng jeng

first time ever i heard amani called me eebu..hahaha. yelah, selama ni duk panggil aku yah yah.. amani's first word was ayah. amazing kan? walaupun dalam nada yg mcm marah sbb nak lepaskan yah tu..unlike fifi, her first word was bubu.. sejuk tul badan ibu yg mengandung. actually tak kisahla mana2 pun, kan?

second, today she took 3 steps forward (yes! she's finally start to walk) toward me without holding my hand. walla. only when she realized that she was not holding my hand or kerusi then she panic and fall down. and yes, she was smiling. :)

teringat time fifi mula2 berjalan. fifi ni lain skit. agak malu nak tunjuk yg dia bole jalan depan aku or her ayah. selalunya nak kena pegang tangan baru nak jalan. istimewanya fifi ni, dia hanya akan jalan sorang2 without holding anything when the light was off. adala one night hubby pura2 tido (memang huby yg tidokan anak sulung) and fifi lak merangkak ke bilik. tiba2 jer huby tengok fifi berjalan ke arah huby perlahan2. tup2 jer dah ada depan mata. punyala terkejut huby time tu. sejak ari tu fifi jalan sendiri. sweet kan?

incidents

1st incident:

i gave amani serai to play with when i want to cook lunch last week. it give me some time or else i have to play with her. lagipun dia duk tarik baju aku...so kena bagi something yg boleh ralitkan dia. selalunya amani main drum dgn serai tu. tapi that day special skit. without me noticing it she went to the living room where her sister was. they end up with a lot of screaming as fifi tried to grab 'serai' from amani. i noticed two things since that day. amani is a lot stronger and fast. u can never imagine how fast she run with her walker towards the kichen and her face was full of determination to get to me as fast as she can. walla...when she reached me, she have this cicky smiles that i dont know how to response. her sis? menangis ler sbb tak dapat tarik serai dari tangan amani. aku? haih...

2nd incident:

i was washing our aquarium with makcik sanniah help. sementara nak nunggu air penuh dalam tangki, makcik sanniah went out to help me jemurkan baju. nak dijadikan cerita pintu cermin tak ditutup rapat. risaukan anak2 kucing masuk aku sruh ler fifi tutupkan pintu. selalunya dia tutup tak kunci tapi hari tu fifi pi kuncikan pintu lak. imagine betapa paniknya makcik sanniah kat luar pintu bila aku panggil dia. rupanya fifi lock terus. aku time tu tengah duk pegang paip air and for sureler air dah melimpah mcm sungai. alahai..bila aku surh fifi bukak pintu, fifi lak lari menceceh ke kerusi sbb panik tengok air, siap menjerit takut lagi. respon aku? emmm tak reti dah nak cakap per.

3rd incident:

aku marahkan fifi yg pukul amani tapi sudahnya amani marah aku balik dgn hentak2 tangan atas walker dia. siap jeling lagi bila aku duk diam. respon aku? mmmmm


4th incident:

huby tolong urutkan belakang aku (sejak last week asyik berangin jer badan gara2 makan laksa tak ingat dunia and tak ingat nak pantang kan). ada ler aku menjerit skit sbb sakit. yg si kakak fifi lak duk jerit2 kat aku. ingatkan aku gaduh dgn ayah dia. without me knowing it, fifi pi gigit lengan aku...respon aku? sakit giler, huhuhu.

haih...poning poning...nak gelak pun ada.

wedding

to zai and sid

happy wedding day

may Allah bless your newfound hapiness

may your wedding last forever

may you found the hapiness that you're looking for

sid - am sorry for not be able to be there on your special day. i pray for you and your new family. glad that you two married!!!

rompin

last friday huby bawak pi holiday ke kuala rompin. dah lama tak amek cuti and amek kesempatan cuti ahad (for zai's wedding) to rest instead.



original plan nak ke Summerset tapi sbb tak nak terlebih budgt we choose Rompin Beach Resort.



it took us about 2 hours and after dah pening2 pusing kami pun sampaila kat tempat yg last minute dituju. the rate was just nice and we just focus on one thing - to let fifi plays with water as long as she wants.



after check in, terus ayah depa bwk pi swimming. fifi? tak yah cakap ler...excited sesangat sampai telan ayaq banyak. tak amek gambar pun sbb ibu depa pun duk excited mandi sama.huhuhu.



dah penat mandi, pi pantai lak kat belakang chalet..not bad tapi mcm sunyi sesangat. bagi budak2 ni main pasir jap terus balik bilik- penat.



petang tu pi pantai hiburan - dekat jer dari resort (2km) and pekena rojak ayam, laksa and abc- kalu bole memang nak pekena rojak depa lagi. org pun lebih ramai kat sini- memang jadi tumpuan. so jalan2 and rest...si ibu hapy ler sbb dah lama tak cuti ngan huby kan...



mlm tu fifi demam..maybe sbb terminum air kolam..sepanjang malam berkepit dgn ayah dia. tak mau aku peluk pun..sudahnya aku tido jerla ngan amani.



after breakfast and rest, kami berangkat pulang. nak kena cari hadiah kat pengantin..



penat - sampai ari ni terasa penat. sib baik fifi demam sehari jer. naik risau kami.

gambar pun takleh upload lagi - connection gilong skit

bila dah biasa

makcik sanniah (yg tolong kemaskan umah ak ni) menegur bila aku duk asyik korek telinga budak2 ni..."senangnya ... korek telinga budak2 ni ya. kalu budak lain dah meronta dah"

aku punya respon?

"dah biasa kut"

tapi bagi akula, sure budak2 lain yg sebaya depa ni senang jugak kut...kan?

i'm lucky coz i'm at home. 24 hours per day i'm stick to them like glue. so everything that i do i always get them involved (of coursela not everything right). maybe sbb bila aku nak korek telinga, i make sure amani and fifi were there with me. i always make sure they watched and make funny faces or voices while doing it. itupun sbb pernah terbaca dalam magazine
(time tunggu check up fifi dulu) that u need to get the kids involved with basic things.

so, everytime fifi and amani mandi, i make sure i brushed my teeth (sbb tu ubat gigi cepat abis). mcm fifi, setiap kali dia mandi, aku akan berus gigi. bila dia nak pegang, aku bagi berus gigi (cuma make sure dia tak masukkan dalam mulut jerla). so dia akan teruja and nak buat jgk. when she have her own teeth, we bought her own toothbrush (i'm sure every parents will do so) and let her brushed her own. most of the time, fifi gosok bottom teeth. gigi atas, dia tak pandai sangat so aku kena buat. make it fun- bagi dia lak gosokkan gigi kita. baru best bagi dia la sbb dia gelak.

today, i brushed for her. if i forgot she will go to the sink and pointing her finger at her brush. she let me brushed her bottom teeth, gigi atas susah skit sbb aku Terberus kuat and dia rasa sakit. so bila nak berus gigi atas tu, kenala berlakon skit (adakala ok, adakala not ok).

skrang turn amani lak. tapi amani ni lain pesyen skit. dia lebih suka layan air..huhuhu. takper...masih jauh perjalanan memberus gigi amani.

mek pun pernah cakap yg fifi and amani senang bila aku nak potong kuku depa. ada setengah budak, nak kena tunggu depa tido baru leh potong. entahla. maybe sbb aku selalu make sure amani ada kut bila potong kuku fifi. most of the time, aku tak paksa kalu fifi tak nak..aku tunggu dia hulur tangan dia. bila dia tak nak, aku buat2 potong kuku sendiri, she will let me on her own time. memang kena banyak sabau ler. selalunya aku akan potong bila M.I.C.K.E.Y M.O.U.S.E. on air..muahahahaa...menyenang kerja oden.

overall, i dont think my kids are special for these three cases. am sure budak2 lain pun senang utk berus gigi, korek telinga and potong kuku kan?

sbb bagi aku, tak kisahla kalu si ibu keja atau duk rumah,asalkan dia tahu spent some quality time with her kids, am sure everything will be ok. yg penting pendekatan yg digunakan.

bila dah biasa, budak2 pun tak rasa janggal nak buat or let us do it for them. cuma kena biasakan shj. kan?

growing hotz

panas.....

dah berapa hari tak ujan..panasnya.

fifi and amani kena mandi at least 3x sehari. kalu panas sangat aku bagi jer anak2 ribena aku yg makin comel ni beremdam dalam kolam plastik selama yg depa nak. fifi kalu dapat air abisla, jenuh aku nak suruh kuar dari bilik air.

cuaca mcm ni, kena make sure sesangat fifi and amani minum air banyak2. lebih2 lagi fifi yg cepat berpeluh kalu berlari ke hulu hilir. kaki fifi tak pernah nak kenal penat agaknya. kalu mood dia ok, abisla satu living room dia duk lari ngan adik dia. kekadang tu bole dengar suara depa kat luar rumah. lebih2 lak bila amani lani dah pandai jerit kuat2 and gelak sakan.

amani lak dah tak nak sangat duk dalam walker dia. nak suruh dipimpin tangan...mula nak bertatih. alhamdullilah. kalu aku nak letak balik dalam walker, ada ajer helah dia tak nak duduk. jenuh nak pujuk dia masuk dalam walker, kalu tak memang tak buat kerja la aku hari tu.

sebulan lagi dah masuk ramadhan. cepat kan? sebulan lagi jgkla anak sulung oden 2 tahun, lepas tu amani lak setahun. cepat tul masa jalan. tak sedar pun yg depa dah makin besar. serasa mcm baru jer semalam aku tengok muka kemerahan and badan kecil yg monggil. lani dah besar panjang anak2 dara ayah.

bila tengok album balik, tak tau naper rasa sedih nengok gambar budak2 ni masa kecil. rasa mcm tak nak jer bagi depa besar cepat skit. biorla kecil mcm ni...alahai. tak faham betul aku ni.

hati ibu

imagine terserempak dgn seorang ibu yg menolak anaknya yg kurang upaya dalam stroller. perasaan?

imagine bila asyik duk pilih barang dapur and terserempak dengan ibu yg sama tapi sekarang ada si ayah and anak perempuan yg cukup sifat and comel. perasaan?

imagine bila utk ke sekian kalinya terserempak and melihat si ibu jauh skit dari anak yg kurang upaya kerana menengok cincin silver sampaikan anak menangis tak sedar. perasaan?

imagine bila si ayah tengah duk amek gambar anak perempuannya and tak sedar yg anak lelakinya yg kurang upaya meronta dalam stroller. perasaan?

imagine bila kita melihat org yg lalu lalang dan melihat anak tadi and si ibu sambil menggeleng kepala. perasaan?

imagine bila si ibu sedar, baru ditolak stroller anaknya dekat skit and si ayah mula mengambil si anak utk bermain sebelah anak perempuannya. perasaan?

imagine bila anak lelaki yg kurang upaya mula tidak selesa and si ibu mendukung si anak perempuan sementera si ayah melayan si abang. perasaan?


i'm not a good person and i'm not really interested in other person or even their life for no reason. but i do have feeling when i saw what happen. i might not understand the mother. maybe she's tired and only this time she find her own peace. i might not being fair to judge other people character or act based on what i see and hear- it will not be fair for them or for me.

somehow i feel sad for no reason when i looked at that child. somehow...

six months

when amani and fifi turned 5 months old, i counted days until they turn 6 months. why? simple..a month for celebration. finally i can feed them with real food. celebration la tu...

as for fifi, maybe sbb i'm a new mother so excited tu terlebih2 sampai beli geber, nestum and etc. well, tak berapa elok sebenarnya (dependla..ini pendapat aku jer ehh). so when it came to amani turn, i dont really fed her nestum - lagipun dia memang tak nak. so most of the time, i cooked bubur nasi and puri buah. of course bubur nasi tu kena make sure lembik sesangat supaya tummy dia tak terkejut. take turn dgn masak puri buah and puri patato supaya dia tak jemu. lagipun time ni crucial kalu tak jaga betul2 apa yg dia makan. takut nanti dia ada sembelit, susah nanti.

kesian kat anak..lagi2 kalu mothers yg mcm aku ni...have to admit aku paling takut nak sumbat punggung anak dgn medicine cair yg memudahkan pembuangan air besar anak. tak pernah pun aku pegang and memang tak kan nak...aku tak berani.. so, alternatif lain, make sure bubur tu ada sawi, epal hijau and selalula urut perut anak (mcm dalam Nona- URUTAN BAYi).

i am blessed sbb amani and fifi paling suka makan bubur sawi (sawi kan ada banyak jenis, so pandai2 la bergilir2).

yg paling elok, jgnla kerap sangat masak bubur nasi with kentang. kata maksu huby nanti bertambah gebula kemontelan anak tu..(jarangkan2 la...memangla manis masak bubur nasi with kentang- yum yum). no wonder fifi cepat sangat membesar...dulu aku selalu sangat campur2 nasi and kentang. time amani, dah kurang sbb baru tahu.

bagi aku ini perkara penting. masuk umur 6 bulan, anak kita dah develop another skill and another need. depa baru kenal makanan lain selain daripada susu.

special day

22nd - dah wish besday to hubby. the sama date my bro in law (third bro) sambut besday.

26th - my sis ayuz. wish awal2 sbb takut tak der kt lak hphone nanti. mak teh, happy besday.

bulan july, dua org penting ni sajer yg sambut besday. tak mcm april - ramai...which remind me, aku dah bagi ker adiah kat nko ke enab?

lani cuma menunggu tarikh keramat best fren aku sain surat akad nikah. tak sabau. dah lama aku nak tengok dia atas pelamin.

susah nak cari kawan yg bole sesenang and sesusah bersama.

susah nak cari kawan yg bole faham inside and out.

susah nak cari kawan yg bole terima seburuk2 episod dalam hidup aku.

susah jgk nak cari kawan yg bole baca air muka - no explanation is needed.

haih...tak tau naper otak ni banyak sangat berpikir. maybe coz i'm having the same nightmares i had before..ada idea mcm mana nak hilangkan mimpi giler ni? penat sbb pepagi nak bangun tapi selalu berjaga mlm...

help, i need somebody

help

(lagu the beatles- mahal giler cd kompilasi dia.ada sesaper nak bagi adiah cd ni?janggut, sambung lagu ni...)

update

been busy these past few days. usually when amani and fifi fall asleep i took the chance to clean up the house, laundary, or online. but because this is july- raining season in johore, so i took this oppurtunity to start my latest project..wanna know what?

gardening.

sawi, bendi, kacang panjang, lada, cili padi, kangkung, kobis and carrot dah tumbuh. cuma tunggu kacang pea and kailan jer.maybe sebb setiap petang hujan, so ianya memudahkan aku utk mencangkul and tanam mana yg patut. tanah memang dah lama dibuat batas (minta tolong budak2 indonesian kat sini) tapi sawi aku mati sebb panas sangat last month. this month, happynyer aku bila dari benih dah bercambah besau. dapatla merasa hasil tangan sendiri.

aiks..jgn disangka aku ni tak reti nak berkebun ek. dulu masa duduk ngan mek (nenek aku) kat kg, aku ler yg dia heret ke kebun. dari buat batas sampailer kutip hasil...aku dah merasa panas terik berjemur. until today aku tabib mek...dia dah tua.tapi skitpun dia tak tunjuk sakit badan depan2 aku. cuma last visit aku nampak sangat wajah tua mek. sedih? haih..tak tahu ler nak ckp mcm mana. org tua tu yg besarkan aku dari kecik, dia yg duk bela aku. selalunya kalu aku pi pasar pasir puteh, most of the elders yg kenal mek panggil aku anak mek. sbb kulit aku sama mek kut.hahahaha..tak derla.

nantila aku amek gambau kebun mini aku tu ek. cheehh....

actually aku nak bercerita pasal amani and fifi ni....she's 9 months old already. another 3 months to go before she's one year!! wah. cepat tul masa jalan ek. gambau kat bawah ada gigi dia. nampak tak? this week amani garang betul dgn kakak dia and with me too..kalu dia nak marah, tangan dia gerak2 nak capai aku and fifi. nak buat aper? she wants to bite us. sian fifi. tapi selalunya fifi yg duk marah2 adik dia balik. last sunday, maybe sbb dia geram sangat kut dgn amani yg duk balas menjerit, fifi nearly gigit kepala adik dia. nasib baik aku ada. kalu tidak, aperler yg aku nak bagitau kat ayah depa ni. bawak amani lari dalam bilik. itu shjla penyelesaiannya kalu aku tak nak berangin. depa ni dah pandai tunjuk tanda2 memberontak kalu tak bagi apa yg depa nak. adakah aku memanjerkan depa? emm... huby cakap aku ni gayang dgn anak2.

there were times i have to be garang. (most of the time)...bukan sengaja..time ni fifi nak attention more than amani. her imagination and mind are developing really fast. am trying to teach her how to pronounce and recognize objects and animals. so far, i have to hide her flash card or else hancus ler. so, everytime amani starts to manja2 with me, she will show her tantrum. i have to solute those who have more than 2 kids and raising them byself. really solute. lebih2 bila anak2 cepat membesar these days. kan?

walaupun aku garang dgn anak2, depa tetap cari aku bila ada apa2. time sakit lagila, walaupun selsema.lagila manja.

anak ayah

yup...both of them are dady's sweethearts.regardless how many hours i spent with them, they would always choose their dad..huhuhu...

everytime and whenever their dad is around, they are well behave (sometimes cranky) and always want to sit or touch their dad..they would laugh aloud (sometimes we laugh along upon hearing them laughing) and soooo manjerr especially fifi. so amani wont stand a chance to sit with her ayah if fifi is around.

if i sat beside their ayah, fifi would do the same..she cannot leave me alone with her ayah. so i end up changing my seat.she would loves to have her lunch and dinner with her ayah and always mimicking whatever her ayah did. just last night i was suprise when she suddently whimping sadly while holding her toes. i though she was hurts and walla..there she was mimicking her ayah.


they would always run to the door to great their dady from work, and would always want their dad to hug and play with them. i guess because i was at home so they dont really feel missing me that much uh? :)

i loves the way their eyes shine and laughing when their dad caming home..i loves the way fifi laugh alaud when she knew we were wacthing her and knowing that, she would cover her mouth with her tiny fingers. i loves the way she smiles and run upon hearing the sound of her dad motorcycle. i loves the way she talks to her dad not realizing that me and her dad smile at each other. i loves the way she jump to her dad and teasing him.


i realized this evening, how beautiful they are to me...even when they have their moment to upset me..i realized this evening, how Allah gives me this wonderful gifts to me and huby alone. for us to share our life with.for us to smile and feel the joy even when we face difficulty.

Domestic inquiry

mata dah mengantuk..hidung lak asyik pedih ..nampaknya i'm having flu...wawawa...

am doing a domestic inquiry for my huby. since he work late already, so i took over jap..lagipun dia nak kena bangun kul 5.30 esok..sian kat huby. aku? aku memang dah terbiasa tido lewat. cuma maybe sbb dah lama aku tak buat kerja, so mata aku ni asyik nak pejam..terpaksa amek alternatif layan perasaan jap sebelum sambung balik..

apa benda domestic inquiry ni? kalu translet balik dalam bhs, siasatan dalaman..kalu ada case curi ker, apa ker, so depa buatla DI ni..last month, ada worker curi getah, so huby in charge for inquiry. first inquiry dah lepas..dah masuk jel and keluar ikat jamin pun..second inquiry ni, manager estet sebelah kena jadi saksi sebelum ful report dihantar ke HQ and further action taken..maknanyer sebelum betul2 kena buang kerja la.

aku kesian jgk kat org yg ditangkap ni..tapi kalu dah mencuri atas alasan nak cover duit minyak sbb anak2 ramai, aku rasa itu tindakan bodoh. entahla. aku bukan org yg bole menilai kesalahan dia ni..tapi nak buat mcm mana, terpaksa ler dia cari kerja lain kang.

first teeth

like other mothers in this world, i am exited to watch amani's first baby tooth appear..it seem that she'll having her first bottom teeth and ouch, it really hurts when she bites my ... (alhamdullilah, am still able to breastfed her). at this stage, the teeth will started to grow at the age 6 months until 36 months old (for baby teeth)

as for amani and fifi, they both got their first teeth at the age 9 months and 10 months. different uh? yup..both of them have different development in growing up..the only thing that suprised me about amani is that, she didnt get any fever due to this new development, unlike fifi.

well, as for me this is one of the most critical moment for amani. not only she will learn to get use with her new teeth, this is also her first step to chew her food. lately, she've been chewing her lips. she doesnt really like to use teether like her sister and the victim would be me....huhuhu. have to stop this before she hurts me more :)

dah pandai

dah lewat tapi aku tak tido lagi. sure esok aku main mata ler ngan anak2 aku kang.

hari ni, happy skit sbb amani dah cuba2 angkat punggung (utk merangkak dalam erti kata yg sebetulnya). cuma tangan amani sedikit tidak kuat and asyik jatuh balik jer..nasib baik atas katil and aku nak rakam pun tak sampai ati.takut kang terjatuh aku lak asyik ngan kamera. huhuhu..happynya. another stage to go and more stages awaits.

afifah? dia dah pandai gigit tangan adik dia kalu adik dia asyik duk kacau. alahai..sian amani. aku nak marah fifi pun tak leh gak..so sudahnya aku larikan amani dalam bilik dulu...supaya marah kakaknya reda skit...and supaya aku tak berangin..hahaha.tapi selalunya amani ni tak makan dek saman. lagi kakak dia marah, lagi dia duk pi dekat. emm

fifi dah kureng bab2 makan ni. naik risau lak..ada aper2 idea??

and satu lagi berita gembira..tadi aku terjumper adik junior time aku study dulu..bukanla junior course aku tapi junior di kolej telekom (kolej kediaman). suprised giler...menjerit ler jgk aku tadi dalam giant tu ahh..sampei menitik jugakla air mata ni..dah dekat 5 tahun aku tak jumper dia. last time aku jumper pun masa aku konvo dulu...teringat balik time2 kenakalan budak bertuah ni..selalunya dia ler yg duk sekat aku kalu dia tengok cerita hantu.hampeh..hahahahaa..aku bukannyer leh tengok cerita genre ni..sampai terbawak dalam mimpi ler karang. dia tak keja lani, duk ngan huby dia di Gemas...tengah planning nak ada anak..i pray for you girl...


notes: to ayu(cousin huby) and her husband- best wishes for your newfound family...new path, new responsibilities...may your marriage last till the end.

auntie?

nak kater budak2 bangla ni buter tak boler lak tapi memang depa ni dah tak ada panggilan lain kut nak panggil aku.

petang tadi 3 org berbangsa bangladesh datang umah utk korekkan lubang (aku nak tanam pokok besau, tak larat nak bercangkul so huby panggilkan workers dia..kiranya depa buat OT ler). memang depa tak berapa nak faham bahasa kita so banyakler guna isyarat tangan nak suruh depa buat lubang kat maner and tanam kat mana. alkisahnya, cuma ada seorang jer yg bole bertutur bahasa so aku banyak cakap dgn dia ler kalu nak mintak tolong mana yg patut.

adala time tu depa nak air (panas sangat ari ni) and requested from me..

"auntie, air ada?"

muler2 tu aku kompius jgk tapi disbbkan takder dah perempuan lain kat umah, jadinyer dia refer kat aku ler kan? hampess tulll...

muker aku ni dah tua bebenor ker? ada jer nak kena tendang karate.

biler nak balik-

"auntie, terima kasih"

hampesss

private practise

haah...tengok tak? private practise (ntv7)..kiranya new version of anatomy grey. i like it..

tapi aku bukan nak cerita pasal that new series. the first episode pasal csec. dulu pernah tengok online how it was done and it gave me bumps all over. tonight, teringat la balik time deliver my babies. sakitnya masih terasa. mungkin sbb kekadang aku duk dukung fifi kekadang tu.

time fifi dulu, cuma terasa sakit false alarm...not really sakit nak bersalin tapi disebbkan aku sesak nafas, dr advised me to csec. dgn amani lak, original plan memang nak normal (that was my only chance) tapi tak bole sbb 3.7 kg. dr risau kut2 rahim aku pecah..so proceed ler csec jgk. terkilan sbb aku tak merasa sakit nak melahirkan anak. tapi kena potong pun sakit jgk per! cuma time amani jer aku sempat merasa sakit nak bersalin, memang dah berdarah katil pital tu tapi disbbkan aku dah pun booking csec, tak bole nak deliver normal.

alhamdullilah, sec time, aku tak merasa perut aku kena toreh, tak merasa perutku digoyang2..and the best part, aku sedar sepanjang operation dijalankan. dapat cium amani, dapat dengar dia menangis..dapat tengok dia sebelum org lain (except for the drs and the staff). bila nurse bawak amani jumper aku, i dont regret having csec as long my baby safe.

sekarang, bila tengok anak2 aku membesar depan mata sendiri, i thanked to Allah. aku dah rasa 5 bulan hidup dgn hari2 telifon mertua bertanyakan anak di kg. perit sbb hati asyik teringatkan anak. sedih bila tak dapat dengar her first words and etc. tapi aku bersyukur sangat2 sbb my in laws really taking care of afifah. bila anak2 dah tido mcm malam ni, sebak dada bila teringatkan kawan aku yg terpaksa meninggalkan anak di kg...been there and insya Allah, i can understand your feeling.

malik, keep it strong.

amani baru bangun tido..

fifi's new hair cut.makcik yg tolong kemaskan umah cakap aku pandai gunting rambut..muahahaha...

long time ago

tetiba jadi sentimental memalam ni.

actually pagi tadi aku dapat sms dari seorang teman lamer. dia pensyarah lani and alhamdullilah, a mother of two. aku terkejut sbb dah lamer aku lost contact. teringat balik time kami keja sama2 dulu. she's a year senior in our faculty. she told me about her students and somehow i'm not really suprised. i recall when i'm having a meeting at lumut with the uum lectures. they were marking papers and i read some of it. most of the answers written were crap. sorry to say this. even my ex lect (who came) admitted it. entahla..

i'm glad she is in her position now. long time ago, i want to pursue the same dream..and somehow, i was left behind. cannot say i did not regret about it. i did. and now? i'm glad that i'm with my kids. even for some people, even in my family, they did not really understand the way i'm thinking. but what the heck.like angah said in her blog, i want to choose to be happy. and alhamdullilah..even there were times when i think i make a wrong decision, i choose not to overdo myself by regretting everything. i deserve the best and i know i should live with my decision. let just not push me about this. supports is what i need the most.

i still have a long way to go. so are my babies. let just hope for the best shall we...

satay no more

me and hubby..we are still shocked about what happen yesterday. fifi was eating satay, and as usual we let her hold the stick since she able to feed herself (memang dia tak nak kalu kami suapkan pun) and walla..out of nowhere the stick stuck in her right eye. our reaction?no need to ask. alhamdullilah, it didnt really stuck but accidently fifi tercucuk mata. since yesterday, right after hubby took away the stick, NO more satay in our house or to our kids...no need to doubt about it.when hubby said no, then it will be no..even for amani.

i recall when fifi fall down from her walker (few times), terus hubby simpan walker dalam stor.the same goes to kereta mainan dia. jatuh sekali, terus masuk dalam stor. and that is the only reason why hubby dont want to buy bicycle for fifi. i dont want to argue with him about it.

watch out for your kids. you might not know what they might do...lagipun depa tak tahu aper2 lagi. take this as a lesson.

bosan vs terima ajerlah

malas nak cakap lebih2 karang tak pasai2 lak aku kena cop bebukan. hakikatnya, aku dah malas nak fikir pasal perasaan sendiri. aku sakit ke, sakit jiwa ker, sakit hati ker, aku dah tak reti nak tulis dalam blog ni. kekadang tu sbb2 inilah yg buat aku malas nak update blog, yg sepatutnya menjadi tempat utk aku merepek sorang2.tak perla. nak buat mcm mana...terima ajerla.



daripada aku duk merepek bebukan tengahmalam ni, baik aku cerita pasal anak2 aku yg semakin ribena ni haah...kekadang tu tengah duk marah nak mampus ni, they so something unexpectedly.huhuhu..



amani dah pandai merangkak dua hari lepas(er..tapi angkat punggung tak leh lagi, cuma tolak kaki utk MARA ke hadapan). bila dah sampai kat objek yg dia nak amek, dia gelak sorang2..nak gelak pun ada, tapi aku gelak jer. yg pasti, dia dah bole berdiri sendiri walaupun sekejap. tak sabar nak tunggu dia bole jalan lak..


fifi lak, hari ni dah pandai bukak peti ais sendiri.emm..apa lagi. semua brg dia wat kuar. sampai sayur aku layu ler jgk. tapi aku tak leh nak watper, sudahnya aku ler jadi tukang pungut aka tukang bersih sepenuh masa.


time makan, amani dah tak makan banyak..tak tau naper.confius aku. nestum memang dia reject terus. so, dari pagi sampailer malam, memang bubur nasi ler makanan dia. aku nak cuba letak yogurt lak..dia nak makan tak? so far, benda manis memang dia kureng.


fifi? emm bagiler makanan aper pun, seme dia makan. cuma dia kureng makan nasi lani. aku nak kena fikir alternatif lain. paling best, aku tengok dia makan buah epal kecil, abis ooo...suka aku...org nak kata anak aku bulat ke haper ke, aku tak peduli...asalkan berat badan dia tak obes and dia sihat, aku ON.


aku nak ajar fifi potty training ni...dia asyik nangis jer bila aku letak dia kat atas mangkuk tandas..tapi sebb kepala aku ni kekadang bertanduk, aku letak jer..sian dia..tapi malam tadi, dia gelak lak..hahahha...anak aku...confius aku kekadang tu..ikut saper la


dua2 suka tengok mickey mouse..jgn ingat aku bagi depa tengok cartoon jer..aku tapis mana yg bole. so far, alhamdullilah fifi dah pandai ikut instruction. cuma bila dia bad mood, aku surrender.




dua2 pandai baca aku bila aku marah. yg terbaru, bila aku marah kat fifi, dia akan duduk tepi atau naik riba, bercakap skit atau tak langsung, terus cium aku..huhuhu...aku nak marah lelamer pun tak sampai hati. yelah.mana aku tak marah. dia curah 3/4 bedak atas kepala adik dia. aku heran tul naper ler amani ni terima jer aper yg kakak dia buat. tapi silap aku gak. take for granted. bila anak senyap, aku ingat depa tak wat per2 so aku buat kerja aku..ruper nya.......emmmm.aku memang LANGSUNG tak leh tinggai depa berduaan.

aku potong lagi rambut fifi..huhuhu..cuma layer aku tak jadi sbb dia takleh duk diam. nantila aku amek gambar terbaru depa. selalu sangat tak sempat. dua2 dah makin aktif..

new pet

kucing di atas dibeli kelmarin dulu utk anak aku yg sulung ni ahh. sampai umah jer, terus kong...abis 10 git free2...huhuhu.mcm mana tak kong, dia duk pegang kucing tu mcm kucing hidup kat umah aku ni aahhh...pegang tengkuk, dahla seme wayar yg berkaitan ada kat situ, sudahnya rosak terus. takperla..tak ada rezeki fifi nak main cak2 dgn kucing mainan dia ni.

ayah fifi beli pun sbb kesiankan ank dia yg duk menghadap ank kucing(ank2 dudu).risau takut dia kena asma ke lelah ke disbbkan kucing. kalu setakat pegang jer takper..ini kalu aku terlepas pandang kejap, tengok2 jer dia dah cium ank2 kucing yg ada 4 ekor tu..waduh, bisa sakit jantung aku dibuatnya. nak buang kucing2 ni aku tak sampai hati. dah itu mainan fifi...drp time dudu kecik (huby amek kat tengah jalan, nsib baik tak kena langgor) terus ler sampai beranak pinak ni, dudu ler mainan dia (walaupun dah banyak kali kena cakau dek dudu). bole ketawa mengekek, main kejor2 dgn dudu...camner?

emmmmm..

time ni didi(aku ler bagi namer) dah rosak tapi fifi buat main peluk.

tak perluler nak agak dia tengah wat per....asalnya mata didi ni menyala, tu yg fifi duk tengok tu...
posing depan m.i.c.k.e.y m.o.u.s.e (nyanyi yer). tengah tunggu ayh dia balik..time2 mcm ni, aku bole relaks sbb dia memang duduk jer tengok cartoon mickey mouse ni. dah bole sebut few words (fun- tapi tunjuk tangan give me five- huhuhu), one, bababa (ala, lagu baba black sheep tu) and nyanyi lagu mickey mouse (walaupun aku sendiri tak bisa menangkap apa yg dia nyanyikan..) hasil drp mickey mouse..adala one day, tiba2 dia menari tangan kepak ayam..aku tak ingat lak aku ajar fifi buat tu, rupa2nya dia duk ikut mickey menari ayam. alahai anak aku ni..

fifi

amani

fibroids

emm...seem that my mum is having fibroid (according to my sister who wrote in her blog, wondering why she did not sms).

before i got pregnant with amani, i was diagnosis with fibroids too, and i kept it secret (dont know why).. so when i got pregnant, dr idris (from pusrawi - he is a Good doctor, recommended if you want to proceed your medical check up at pusrawi with him or dr. adilah), told me i should be grateful coz the baby shrink the fibroid (i still have the picture (scanned) and the size was a bit smaller compared to my baby that time- i cant remember the size.. he told me not to worry coz it was normal and to follow up in future. but he also warn me that if the fibroid getting bigger instead of getting smaller as he predicted it to be, my baby might having problem and me too..however, alhamdulllilah, it did not happen and amani was born healtier as any baby can be.

i have not done my pap smear check up yet, which is VERY IMPORTANT for those who have delivered their baby and women at age above 30. am not sure if the fibroid is there or not but hopefully not lah. i guess i should do my check up this week uh.

in case, if you ladies are not sure what the heck is fibroids, you can read from here..(very basic)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibroids

secret

what if you have a secret and not willing to share with others?

what if the secret that you're hiding is eating you alive?

what if that secret push you over limit and shut your brain off?

what if you gut telling you to do something but it get stuck because of that secret?

what if that secret affecting your life?

can you live with that secret by yourself?

i have not know the answer to all the question.

but i do know that i will kept the secret

even if it killing me inside, for now.

happy...

important announcement: alhamdullilah, amani tak der CP....huhuhu. aku punyala lega sampai tak terkata per2. bukan aper, kalu nak kena CP pun, i hope biarla seusia fifi sekrg ni (>1 year ). at least fifi tak derla terasa mcm aku lebihkan amani lak. dia pun dah makin jeles dgn adik dia...sian kat amani...sian kat aku gak...

hari ni aku terkejut skit. first, dengan respon amani towards fifi. b4 this fifi selalu sangat tolak walker amani and jerit2 kat dia and amani mcm biasa, muka blur and kekadang tu mengamuk dalam walker la..nangis tu adatla. but today, wow...aku tengah basuh pinggan and depa masuk dapur skali..as i expected fifi and amani kalut nak main peti ais, fifi geram and tolak adik dia. amani lak (yg buat aku terkejut) hari ni garang sungguh, dia tolak walker dia langgar fifi (few times) and tolak tangan sis dia...kukukuku..aku yg duk pegang pinggan pun bole stop setengah jalan..terkejut.fifi mcm biasala, menangis ler kena langgor.nasib baik takder aper2 kat tangan dia, kalu tak dah sure kepala adik kene ketuk. sighhhhhhh

you know, org tua cakap kita bole agak karakter anak kita masa depa kecil lagi. and this case, i can oly guess. i cant wait to see amani grow up. serasa hati ni mcm fifi dah tak bole buli adik dia lagi kut...memandangkan saiz amani pun dah mencecah dagu fifi (ini belum bole berdiri sendiri lagi ni) i think she will grow taller than her sis. cant wait for them to grow up and watch what battle they will be in. sighhhhh. i need my peace...huhuhu

time depa tido tadi aku belek album..tertengok senyuman manja fifi kecik2 dulu..nak tengok?my first born baby...

aku paling suka yg ni...hehehe
mcm nak nangis pun ada kan?time ni gigi tarak lagi.

yg ni seblm pi zai punya majlis tunang.amcm? cute tak?

anak2....despite aper yg depa buat, depa la dunia aku...aku ingat lagi b4 aku gave birth amani, muka fifi mcm sedih jer lepas hantar aku ke pital..agaknya dia tahu kut. time visited aku kat pital pun tak nak rapat and senyum kat aku...huhuhu...time tu lah aku sedih sangat.tak tahu naper.

fifi, ibu nak fifi tahu yg walaupun ibu lahirkan 10 org adik pun utk fifi, you are my first born baby,i watched ur first smile, ur first laugh, ur first tooth...i adores u.

chick chick chick

waked up this morning and noticed something different on amani's face. bintik2 merah...wondering? emmm...benda yg aku duk takut sangat dah pun jadi. no wonder why dia asyik merengek semalam and menangis jer even mata duk tutup..rupa2nya chicken pox..wahhhhh.

nothing can be done. tomorrow kena start bagi dia minum air kelapa and continue to monitor the red spots. so aku dah warning hubby siap2. kalau aku tak sempat masak ke atau aku masak cincai ke, tak perlula nak komen lebih2. kalau demam hari tu aku kena dukung dia memanjang sbb dia nangis, ini kan pula bila dah kena chicken pox. i guess, it cannot be help anymore.

dulu masa mula2 fifi kena cp, aku memang tak bole tido sangat...dia panas and gatal2..it worse at night and she dont want to eat at all. she lost weight and she was nine months. this time, turn amani lak (baru jer seven months). am i worried? yes i am...last month mek was here. this time, i'm alone. hubby lak, GM dia nak datang visit so aku tak nak kacau dia sangat. lagipun amani memang tak nak sesaper kalu tak sihat...

jgnla ada sesaper yg call aku time ni...risau plak kalu nada suara tak seberapa..kang aku dilabelkan garang tak bertempat...emmm.

terbaca blog ayuz tadi...kewujudan yg tak memberi makna kepada sesiapa? terpikir lak aku naper kewujudan dia tak terasa dek org lain (emm...). yg terlintas dek otak aku yg copet ni, selalunya org tak perasan kepentingan kita except bila dah tader nanti. bukan nak kata apala...ada masanya memang terasa mcm tu if you choose to feel that way. dulu aku pun mcm tu. selalu sangat terasa mcm org luar even dalam family sendiri. merana la jugak dulu sampaila aku jadi keras malas nak rapat dgn org. itu bukan contoh yg baik. unlike my sis, aku ni susah jugak nak rapat dengan org except bila dah lelamer and org tu tahan dengan perangai entah aper2 aku ni. aku rasa adik aku pun terasa yg aku entah per2..huhuhu. aku rasa sampai lani yg betul2 faham aku (kecuali hubby) mar, zai, fano, k ju, k noni, k lin, ita and bubu (ye ke dia faham aku?).

so yuz, buat aper nak layan sangat perasaan tu...kalu ko ni tak ada kepentingan, tak dela sumer benda org nak ko buat kat bedsa tu. haaah, cakp pasal ni, kurang2kan la keaktifan ko tu...busy memanjang...cuba2la buat rest skit. tahula minat tapi berpada la..


ini gambar fifi lepas sihat dr cp...kurus kan?

sdsdsad

i was washing dishes when suddently i recall jawa's (one of my friends) face when i asked him about account subject during my matriculation days. hahahaa...first time u asked, he is more than willing to show u how..second time asking the same thing, his face would definitely change.and if he asked me 'faham tak?' i would just nod and walked away. why? i definitely dont want to watch his face. it was more easier to ask syakir (wondering how he is now) than jawa..

the memories during my study came and i cant help but to smile and laugh aloud (even fifi laugh with me..:)

our class, H, celebrated everyone birthday. more than often we had a suprise party (not really a partyla) and having fun. i recall our SA (secret admirer) gathering where we exchanged presents and get to know who our sa was. (it was cikgu zamri' ideas to have sa in our class among ourself to give supports and etc). we received mail in a box (at the back of our class) and my sa called herself sotong...huhuhu..it was faizah . she told me she choose katak because she could give me her hands when i need her. yup...she is a good friend. she gave me suports and i dont think i can barter the time spent with her. thinking about her sadden me a bit...she failed in our last term exam and could not proceed to uum like the rest. i hope she succeed in her life.

my deskmate, ita...last time i called her, she was married to a sailor. emmm..

asma, married to one of my friends, saiful and a teacher today..i think she teaches in Sabah or Sarawak..cant recall. she loves to argue..most of the time with jawa..

mila, one of the sweetest friends of all...she really sweet and i always refer to her about account (not my favourite subject).

normie and g...both of them are good in math and account. G likes to compare her marks with jawa...quite but supportive.

ja...she was the shortest among us and i knew her since form 1 at smss trg. very sassy indeed and i wouldnt dare to cross her when she have her mood.

ati, our assist. same like ja, i knew her at smss. very good in math...

mazlan...ahh..he is the most cool guy i ever met. silent is sexy you know...shah, funny guy. i recall i asked him to be my cameraman during my presentation for bm subject and i couldnt watched him during my presentation coz of his smiling face. he sure know how to make people laugh with him.

err...i cant recall the rest of the name...

but i do recall cikgu sanisah's classes. it was very annoyingyou know. jawa was slepping (well, he sleeps most of the classes) and managed to answer correctly when cikgu asked him. ghee..me and ita, selalu sangat mengumpat jawa..not in negative way la...cuma menyampah bila dia bole jawab betul even tengah tido!

rindu plak nak study.

Again

when we moved here, fifi got chicken pox and alhamdullilah mek was here to help me out. it took more than a week and during those time i was freaking afraid if amani get infection as well. however, it turn out that amani is fine and NO chicken pox...i guess because i still breastfeed her and her immunity is much stronger than fifi.

however, today she got fever...not very high (yet -i hope not tomorrow) and now i'm freaking tired. she wants me around her, i cannot actually left her coz she will cry. with those teary round eyes, i dont know what else to do when fifi also want my attention. even she smell difference today.

i try my best to read as much as i can about parenting from the net.(i'm very unfortunate you know...why? segamat have everything- pital, shopping complex, a very great siakap stall, great FOOD - no need to wonder where i got my extra pound, great in everything except there's no KINO, MPH or POPULAR. small bookstores adala but the books i'm looking for always tak der. at the end, i only get to read tips or motherhood experiences from internet jerlaa)

why the heck i did that for? i'm lost...somehow, i'm lost and i dont know where and who to refer to.

i get depressed easily even for small tiny matters. more than often i get mad at hubby for stupid reason and my tempers are very very short nowdays. fifi? she always get the end result of my temper. if she beat amani and she did not want to hear my warning, she will end with crying and i felt sick about this! i made a promise to myself when i got pregnant with fifi - not to raise my child with beating and etc. somehow, i fail. urggg..what should i do?

there were times when zai called and i sound tired, there were time when my sis called, i sound very annoyed and angry. there were time when hubby want something from me, i give my irritating and annoying responses as well. ghee.. very tired. i loves my kids from the bottom of my heart. i cherish the time i spent with them because i dont want to have the same feeling i had when fifi stay with her grandparent. i want to be there for them and loving them even when sometimes i got myself headache trying my best to be fair for both of them. i guess i have to try harder each day.

emmm....now i feel guilty like hell..

"You should never hit your child when you are angry. Not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment, but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.

It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.

Since it is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.

Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once in his life hit a child, a woman or a servant." (http://www.islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm)

fifi and amani

latest pics of fifi and amani. there were times when i need help with these two cute and actives daughters of mine...sometimes bila aku tak ada dengan depa, dengar2 jer amani nangis sbb kena pukul dek kakak dia...most of the time, fifi akan selit duk sebelah aku bila aku dukung amani lamer skit. kalu aku main dgn amani, dia pun sureee punya akan celah di tepiii. bila amani duk dalam walker dia, fifi akan menjerit and tolak adik dia jauh dari dia (well, sakit kena langgar dek amani). yg paling aku geram kekadang tu bila fifi duk menjerit kat adik dia

aku pun pening gak kekadang tu.. amani plak lani dah pandai..kalau kakak dia tolak dia, dia pun jerit mengamuk gak...kalau nampak aku pi dapur, dia pun heret walker dia ke dapur gak...ke mana2 sajer kakak dia pi, dia ikut..pas tu gaduh, pas tu nangis pastu aku lak nangis...

despite of that, walau senakal mana pun depa ni....yg paling buat aku tersenyum and ketawa biarlah masa tu aku tengah geram and marah giler, time tu jgkla depa buat muka...the best moment bila fifi main cak cak dengan amani...bole dengar amani gelak and jerit...bila aku gelak, dua2 pun gelak...bila aku naik angin, dua2 pun naik angin...

fifi dengan penyapu daun

after eating cookies.

New Pogoh

Been nearly 2 years at Paloh and moved to New Pogoh, Segamat last month.

The house- alhamdullilah...not like the previous one and still new (2 years old). the house have 3 rooms, 3 bathroom, nice and big yard for fifi to play around (still, i have to be extra careful in case ada ulaq - what do u expect, nama lagi duk dalam utan kan...). nice and cozy kitchen (not that i'm a good cooker newey) and the most important near to other houses as well...(tak adala dekat sangat pun, huhuuhu). kitaorg duk yg paling atas sekali tapi tak dela scary mcm kat paloh tuuu...(in case if my sis worry about dogs barking at night).



the nearest town is Segamat, took about 10- 15 minutes by car and 15 minutes to Tenang. from highway, you can either exit at Yong Peng (nearly 1 and 1/2hour to get here) or tangkak (45 minutes- adviseable to exit at Tangkak). seme ada kat segamat ni - hospital, bank, shopping complex and etc.

Ada a few things that i dont really like about here...satu, pasar jauh...dua, kedai runcit ada satu jerrrr dalam estet ni (so barang memang mahal skit and lauk yang dia jual pun SAMA jer HARI-HARI). tiga, pekan yg paling dekat kat Tenang and nak kuar dari sini memang aku tak kuasa sbb dalamnyerrr rumah aku ni. empat, ada satu jerrr kedai makan (tapi aku takde selera nak masuk...no comment) other than that, aku OK.tapi mcm hubby aku cakap, bersyukur la sebab ni pun belum lagi kena pindah ke kawasan dalam yg nun jauh dari pekan...huhuhuhu..aku memang kena terima hakikat yg hubby aku ni keja estet...nak tak nak ke, aku kena terima la..


life kat sini tak sama mcm di paloh...kat sini, workers tak ramai sangat. paling ramai indonesian. local tak ramai yg stay sini- depa duk di kg sebelah estet ni and most of them ada tanah sendiri. so mcm tauke kedai runcit duk habaq kat aku, sebb tu lah banyak kedai mkn yg tutup dalam estet ni. rumah workers pun banyak yg kosong compare to Paloh yg tak cukup umah.

yg aku suka, makcik yg tolong bersihkan rumh ni baik ler sesangat..hujan pun datang keja gak. aku tak yah nak cakap banyak- dia tahu jer nak kemas apa, buat apa.. so aku tak derla rasa bersalah sangat nak mintak tolong dia.

fifi posing depan pintu umah


so far alhamdullilah sebb fifi and amani stay dengan selesanya di sini. tak banyak karenah and itu yg penting bagi aku...cuma aku kena berjaga skit kalu nak bagi fifi main di luar.plus bit bit (my rabbit) selesa jer main keliling umah and dudu (my cat) can stay outside with her new found family..

fifi and amani

testinggg

having prob to download pictures of my babies.....maybe next time...

Thanks to Hubby

first, let me thanked my hubby for making this possible...alhamdullilah...he notice how bored i am and bought this 3G celcom package for me to use at home. Thank you bi....

actually, baru jer abis baca blog capt. apandi...i never really had the chance before this...and just realized how bad i am for not be able to keep up with his story and life...for all i know, i felt alone. without dear friends, mar and zai...without his (capt apandi) to shout calling my name to his office room...without news about them, i feel awfull...really awfull...am sad for not being a good friend as i should. feel bad for not be able to be there when they need. am very sorry...i could not turn back the time..i just wish and pray that we will always be as a friends.....................................