Again

when we moved here, fifi got chicken pox and alhamdullilah mek was here to help me out. it took more than a week and during those time i was freaking afraid if amani get infection as well. however, it turn out that amani is fine and NO chicken pox...i guess because i still breastfeed her and her immunity is much stronger than fifi.

however, today she got fever...not very high (yet -i hope not tomorrow) and now i'm freaking tired. she wants me around her, i cannot actually left her coz she will cry. with those teary round eyes, i dont know what else to do when fifi also want my attention. even she smell difference today.

i try my best to read as much as i can about parenting from the net.(i'm very unfortunate you know...why? segamat have everything- pital, shopping complex, a very great siakap stall, great FOOD - no need to wonder where i got my extra pound, great in everything except there's no KINO, MPH or POPULAR. small bookstores adala but the books i'm looking for always tak der. at the end, i only get to read tips or motherhood experiences from internet jerlaa)

why the heck i did that for? i'm lost...somehow, i'm lost and i dont know where and who to refer to.

i get depressed easily even for small tiny matters. more than often i get mad at hubby for stupid reason and my tempers are very very short nowdays. fifi? she always get the end result of my temper. if she beat amani and she did not want to hear my warning, she will end with crying and i felt sick about this! i made a promise to myself when i got pregnant with fifi - not to raise my child with beating and etc. somehow, i fail. urggg..what should i do?

there were times when zai called and i sound tired, there were time when my sis called, i sound very annoyed and angry. there were time when hubby want something from me, i give my irritating and annoying responses as well. ghee.. very tired. i loves my kids from the bottom of my heart. i cherish the time i spent with them because i dont want to have the same feeling i had when fifi stay with her grandparent. i want to be there for them and loving them even when sometimes i got myself headache trying my best to be fair for both of them. i guess i have to try harder each day.

emmm....now i feel guilty like hell..

"You should never hit your child when you are angry. Not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment, but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.

It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.

Since it is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.

Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once in his life hit a child, a woman or a servant." (http://www.islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm)