Saturday, April 21, 2007


I think uh..ever since am here in Paloh, asyik rasa frustrated without reason. Ayaa..have to stop this. But this is something that I want to share.

I teached tuesyen for three kids. All are indian and they are sisters. The point is, what really me frustrated when the elder sister told me (she's in form 1) when her math teacher (math and science are teach in english am not suprise if they could not really understand it) teach them a bit in malay, a bit in english but more in chinese? You are suppose to educate this kids and what did you do? rasa mcm nak report to the ministry..what is this?

some more, she didnt even ask question during classes because the teacher dont want to entertain them? Ghee..too much my dear

Ikhlas Tapi Jauh

You think you have it all. You think you have friends that willing to lend their hand when you are in need for supports and comforts. You think you have friends that sincere enough to tell you what is wrong and what is right. You think you have friends that will be there during your hardship and happiness.wel...i can keep on going but it will only lead us into one thing, are we sincere enough to be there when someone need us?Are we sincere enough to friend to someone?Do we really have it?

Tell you what..I had been betray not only once, but went through three times during my 26 years of living. And I have not known, how many time will there be in future. One from my own family.It was so painful and until today, it still do. Another from a friend that I called a sister of my own. Been protected her, cherish her, love her as what she is, and taking care of her. But what did I get in return? The last one? Well, someone that deep down in my heart when I want to start believing that this person really change and try to be better man. But who am I kidding?

You can be sincere when you want to.But then how sincere are you? You talk about regret, about the past, about the lost and future.

I do believe in one thing...what goes around comes around. You get back what you give. Why in the first place I want to talk about this? Well, am feeling frustrated actually. Dont know why..

I have found whom I can trust. I have found those who sincere to me. I have found despite of my weakness and wrongdoing, those who sincere enough to care and tell me this is wrong and this is not. I have found them even not many. And I hope you too..

'What goes around, comes around'

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Notes on a Scandal

Watched a movie titled Notes on a Scandal two days ago and have to tell you was and still disturd me a lot. Even after watching that movie, I cant really sleep and have to write down what i felt inside on a piece of paper. And to tell you the truth, this movie really scares me. In what aspect? For a start, I hate this movie which proof to me that it is a Good Movie except until today I am still confused of the reason why I seem to be affected.

The movie- it's about an eldery women who is alone with only her diaries, a history teacher who reaching her retiring age and damn, she likes women..meaning? Lesbian..what else? What disturbing me the most is that her character of being the manipulator. I have known someone that is very manipulative in nature. I have known someone that is very into their own world. I have known a person who have two masks and two personalities but I have not known how dangerous their mind works. Like I told you before, it scares me a lot. The character scares me. Never mind about the scandal between Sheba and her 15 year old student, what really disturd me is the main character shown by Barbara.

Obsession is very dangerous indeed... If you are manipulative and at the same time, very obsessed with someone, this is where the situation might become very threatening to someone's life.

I hate it when someone pretending in front of me. And i believe, semua org pun sama...When you know about pahala dan dosa, halal and haram, why you still doing it? I asked this to my hubby..and the answer was, it's a human nature. That is why ada syaitan and malaikat. But still, when you said to me you dah bertaubat and all the things said to me were about agama and how you want to redeem yourself to be a better man, why you still do things that you are doing now? You said so, this is only not about yourself, but also about your parent, but WHY? Kenapa perlu jadikan agama untuk meraih simpati and trust? Aku pun bukannya alim sangat...tapi agak mengecewakan bila kepercayaan, walaupun sedikit kepercayaan dipergunakan. Even though I dont really trust this person, but like others, I want to believe, mesti ada kebaikan dalam diri seseorang tu walaupun dia jahat. Tapi in this case, sorry...I shouldnt and will not so.

Am still cannot understand Barbara...apatah lagi dengan perangai seseorang yg aku kenal ni...Am still confuse, am still looking for ONE valid reason, how and why. And if I know the reason, can I accept it? Can I?

I dont know...

Monday, April 09, 2007

Me As A Housewife?

emm...i tried so many times to reply to comments made in my blog but it seem that the blog server is having a problem uh?

Am at Paloh - leaving our princess at Taiping for awhile. Have to make sure all preparation at home are ready for her. Hubby has already paint the house (i told you that already right) and ayoo...banyaknya barang nak beli for her...i.e. her bed, her almari baju etc. emmm

In respond to capt's and maria's comments - bila dah terjatuh baru tahu untung nasib. Am blessed. I think kali ni Allah cakap - siti, baik ko jaga anak and huby ko. hehehe... Alhamdullilah.

Cuma lani am having jangkitan virus yg semua housewife ada..nak tahu apa? pepagi dah ke pasar and bertekak la jugak dengan tokey. Pas tu, yang paling parah, at 2.30 pm, sure dah lepak depan TV and watch the indonesian drama, mexico and philippines...Ayoo....dulu tak terfikir pun akan ke situ, lani ..dont ever ask me to go out during those time kay. I havent miss any part of the drama yet and dont intend to. Heehehhehe. So far, with my new position, i feel a bit relax. Not because I dont feel like doing any thinking, tapi so far, okla. Cuma kekadang tu a bit bored coz fifi is not here with us yet and a bit jelous when my hubby goes to work. teruk tul kan? But i believe I will get use to it. Maybe I might pursue my dream after my second baby is delivered.

Hey, I forgot to post in my blog that AM PREGNANT FOR 4 MONTHS ALREADY. The due date is 19.9.2007. Pandai jugak timing huby ni. Our second anniversary is on 14.9 and fifi will be one year old this 12.9 ..nampaknya, am having two september babies. It still early to tell about the baby's gen. Nantila, bila dah confirm betul2 then I will tell you guys.

Orait. Have to go now. It is time for me to cook my lunch if not am gonna be late for my indonesian drama Bye for now!