A New Start?

dah lama tak update blog and yes i miss all my dear friends that comments and provide me the comfort that i am looking for...

actually..nak kata aku sedih hari ni tak jugak tapi semacam jer perasaan ni...apabila kita menyedari yang kita sayangkan apa yang kita buat tapi terpaksa melepaskan ia pergi, ia akan membawa sedikit keperitan. cuma kita amat berharap perubahan yang kita bawa boleh ke arah yang jauh lebih baik..kenapa aku cakap mcm mengarut ni? well sebb aku merasa kehilangan seorang pakar dalam bidang yang dididik oleh insan bernama capt. apandi...

mengetahui yang dia sudah tiada di tempat biasanya membuatkan aku sedikit sedih tapi aku tahu dia pergi untuk yang jauh lebih baik daripada apa yang ada sekarang..insya Allah...doa aku tak putus...

buat teman2 and en nizam, en ramlee yang still kat MIMA, i pray the best for you and hope that you can bring the best in MIMA also!!!

Frustrated

I think uh..ever since am here in Paloh, asyik rasa frustrated without reason. Ayaa..have to stop this. But this is something that I want to share.

I teached tuesyen for three kids. All are indian and they are sisters. The point is, what really me frustrated when the elder sister told me (she's in form 1) when her math teacher (math and science are teach in english nowaday..so am not suprise if they could not really understand it) teach them a bit in malay, a bit in english but more in chinese? You are suppose to educate this kids and what did you do? rasa mcm nak report to the ministry..what is this?

some more, she didnt even ask question during classes because the teacher dont want to entertain them? Ghee..too much my dear

Ikhlas Tapi Jauh

You think you have it all. You think you have friends that willing to lend their hand when you are in need for supports and comforts. You think you have friends that sincere enough to tell you what is wrong and what is right. You think you have friends that will be there during your hardship and happiness.wel...i can keep on going but it will only lead us into one thing, are we sincere enough to be there when someone need us?Are we sincere enough to friend to someone?Do we really have it?

Tell you what..I had been betray not only once, but went through three times during my 26 years of living. And I have not known, how many time will there be in future. One from my own family.It was so painful and until today, it still do. Another from a friend that I called a sister of my own. Been protected her, cherish her, love her as what she is, and taking care of her. But what did I get in return? The last one? Well, someone that deep down in my heart when I want to start believing that this person really change and try to be better man. But who am I kidding?

You can be sincere when you want to.But then how sincere are you? You talk about regret, about the past, about the lost and future.

I do believe in one thing...what goes around comes around. You get back what you give. Why in the first place I want to talk about this? Well, am feeling frustrated actually. Dont know why..

I have found whom I can trust. I have found those who sincere to me. I have found despite of my weakness and wrongdoing, those who sincere enough to care and tell me this is wrong and this is not. I have found them even not many. And I hope you too..

'What goes around, comes around'

Notes on a Scandal

Watched a movie titled Notes on a Scandal two days ago and have to tell you this...it was and still disturd me a lot. Even after watching that movie, I cant really sleep and have to write down what i felt inside on a piece of paper. And to tell you the truth, this movie really scares me. In what aspect? For a start, I hate this movie which proof to me that it is a Good Movie except until today I am still confused of the reason why I seem to be affected.

The movie- it's about an eldery women who is alone with only her diaries, a history teacher who reaching her retiring age and damn, she likes women..meaning? Lesbian..what else? What disturbing me the most is that her character of being the manipulator. I have known someone that is very manipulative in nature. I have known someone that is very into their own world. I have known a person who have two masks and two personalities but I have not known how dangerous their mind works. Like I told you before, it scares me a lot. The character scares me. Never mind about the scandal between Sheba and her 15 year old student, what really disturd me is the main character shown by Barbara.

Obsession is very dangerous indeed... If you are manipulative and at the same time, very obsessed with someone, this is where the situation might become very threatening to someone's life.

I hate it when someone pretending in front of me. And i believe, semua org pun sama...When you know about pahala dan dosa, halal and haram, why you still doing it? I asked this to my hubby..and the answer was, it's a human nature. That is why ada syaitan and malaikat. But still, when you said to me you dah bertaubat and all the things said to me were about agama and how you want to redeem yourself to be a better man, why you still do things that you are doing now? You said so, this is only not about yourself, but also about your parent, but WHY? Kenapa perlu jadikan agama untuk meraih simpati and trust? Aku pun bukannya alim sangat...tapi agak mengecewakan bila kepercayaan, walaupun sedikit kepercayaan dipergunakan. Even though I dont really trust this person, but like others, I want to believe, mesti ada kebaikan dalam diri seseorang tu walaupun dia jahat. Tapi in this case, sorry...I shouldnt and will not so.

Am still cannot understand Barbara...apatah lagi dengan perangai seseorang yg aku kenal ni...Am still confuse, am still looking for ONE valid reason, how and why. And if I know the reason, can I accept it? Can I?

I dont know...

Me As A Housewife?

emm...i tried so many times to reply to comments made in my blog but it seem that the blog server is having a problem uh?

Am at Paloh - leaving our princess at Taiping for awhile. Have to make sure all preparation at home are ready for her. Hubby has already paint the house (i told you that already right) and ayoo...banyaknya barang nak beli for her...i.e. her bed, her almari baju etc. emmm

In respond to capt's and maria's comments - bila dah terjatuh baru tahu untung nasib. Am blessed. I think kali ni Allah cakap - siti, baik ko jaga anak and huby ko. hehehe... Alhamdullilah.

Cuma lani am having jangkitan virus yg semua housewife ada..nak tahu apa? pepagi dah ke pasar and bertekak la jugak dengan tokey. Pas tu, yang paling parah, at 2.30 pm, sure dah lepak depan TV and watch the indonesian drama, mexico and philippines...Ayoo....dulu tak terfikir pun akan ke situ, lani ..dont ever ask me to go out during those time kay. I havent miss any part of the drama yet and dont intend to. Heehehhehe. So far, with my new position, i feel a bit relax. Not because I dont feel like doing any thinking, tapi so far, okla. Cuma kekadang tu a bit bored coz fifi is not here with us yet and a bit jelous when my hubby goes to work. teruk tul kan? But i believe I will get use to it. Maybe I might pursue my dream after my second baby is delivered.

Hey, I forgot to post in my blog that AM PREGNANT FOR 4 MONTHS ALREADY. The due date is 19.9.2007. Pandai jugak timing huby ni. Our second anniversary is on 14.9 and fifi will be one year old this 12.9 ..nampaknya, am having two september babies. It still early to tell about the baby's gen. Nantila, bila dah confirm betul2 then I will tell you guys.

Orait. Have to go now. It is time for me to cook my lunch if not am gonna be late for my indonesian drama Bye for now!

new begining

soryla dah lama tak update blog...tak sempat nak ke cc..lagipun ada di taiping-sayang lak nak keluar and tinggalkan anak lelama..newey, this week memang a new begining for me. First- keluar dari MIMA and missing my dear dear good friends in MIMA and then full time taking care of my dear princess. ghee..she's growing really fast. I was suprised to see her smile easily now and LAUGH.hehehe. you tickle dia skit,terus mengekek.ala...teringat kat dia lak..baru tinggalkan setengah jam.

So far, I feel lucky and blessed. Even though sudah hilang satu punca rezeki, tapi aku tahu ada hikmah disebalik semua ni..

capt- thank you for your support and advises. am glad that i have you as my boss...hehehe.even though garang le sesangat :) but you teached me something..you teached me about LIFE.

kalau sempat, i will attach new pictures of fifi and my home at paloh.. hubby dah packing and cat umah so that it will be fun and encouraging for fifi. yup..am going to bring back our dear princess to stay with us. Insya Allah, after hubby abis training in April, fifi is going to start anew with her ibu and ayah..tak sabar tul.

A few of my friends called me and asked me whether am going to look for another job ASAP. and to tell you the truth dear friends, i cant answer that now. bukan sebab tak nak fikir ke apa tapi bila dah seminggu spent with anak, you akan rasa sayang sangat nak tinggalkan dia. i want to see her grow with my own eyes. seriously..and it's not that i dont want to pursue my dream because i will. Insya Allah...i will. but as for this time being, let me find my own peace with my family.

orait..have to go now. i will update my blog - dont worry! cuma lambat atau cepat jer.

UBAI FROM TAIPING !

sayonara

It's not easy to say goodbye and walk away. Working at MIMA for 3 years and been through all the hardship - well, it's not been easy to look at my dear friends' face and dear sisters who have been helping me and guide me from my first day as pratical student until promoted as a researcher. Believe me, it is more easy to write my feeling on a piece of paper than looking at their faces and say good bye to them.

To capt apandi, my dear head centre and bos - I thank You so much..there is no special word and feeling to tell you how much grateful I am to you...You believe in me when no one did and you guide me even though i'm a bit slow in catching up.

To mar, hey dear friend - love ya! no one can replace your place in my heart...

to abg mus and k jalila - thank you so much...you guys are good friends! I will miss your arguments and laugh..I will miss your easy way in helping me and I will you all for being there for me.

To k shema, k ina, k su, k ida, k hasina, k armi, sumathy, k linda, k yah, abg nazdrin, abg mi and abg azrul, abg zainul, abah, sam, abg zul, k siti, rita, k norlida, k ida hayati, k murni and k g - glad to have you as part of my life and friendship! am sorry for everything that i have done and hope the BEST for you all..

SAYONARA!!!!!

Once upon a time

yesterday I attended Symposium on the Straits of Malacca and Singapore at Nikko Hotel, fully supported by the Nippon Foundation. Ramaila jugak participants from Japan which remind me about my japanese clasess during my study dulu...


actually, we have to complete 111 credit hours for my course and 1 credit hours for foreign languages. instead of choosing mandarin (which most of my friends did) I went for japanese language. we have choices - either you choose mandarin, arab, japanese or spanish..


so, the class began with Doreamon song..imagine that... and we had to sang that song every morning. why? because according to my dearest lecture (i forgot her name already) its a world song..everybody know the song, the tune and the cartoon. so, every sunday, when doreamon on air (ntv7), you can imagine i sang it. anyway...we start with a basic hatagana writing (in here, we start with A, B, C). A few basic words such as ohayo gozaimas (good morning), konichiwa (afternoon), konbawa(evening), moshi2 (hello), eik (no) sumimasen (excuse me), dozo (please), arigato gozaimas (thank you), watashiwa (me) and etc which i forgot already. a waste actually coz you spend one year learning how to write hatagana and how to read and speak..and yet, after graduate, you forgot about it already. sayang kan?



i remember when we had this oral test and were asked to identify objects with japanese. i fail the test and since then, the lecture make sure i wrote in my notes every words she said. ayoo..she even remember my name and gave me japanese dictionary with cartoon in it. I have to complete extra task by drawing pictures and write it in japanese and read a few text in front of my classmate. She even asked me to go to her room and privately tutor me..hehehe..kesian kat dia..at least i pass my exam ok..am not bad at all, it just that i am too busy with myself to pay attention during the classes..emm


now i wish i have an extra time so i can catch up with the basic. hopefully...

False Impression

Have just finished reading a book by Jeffry Archer- title False Impression..I can only summarize this - its good and damn i did not get enough sleep because of this book...anyway - berbaloi la jugak. unlike Dan Brown, aku rasa aku lagi senang baca buku ni...tak la complicated sangat and takla heavy.



Actually, aku bukannya minat sangat nak baca buku2 dari genre ni...first time aku start baca triller pun buku John Rain, tajuk ...tak ingat. okla and it took a week for me to finish whereas i only spent 1 day (minimum) or 2 days (maximum) to finish a fiction novel. and alhamdullilah, this time with Archer, I took a day and a half. okla tu daripada buku John Rain.



Bukan nak kejar masa sebenarnya...if you love to read, you take your time..pampered yourself with the story and kekadang tu, boleh tenggelam terus dalam cerita. For a good writer and a good book, you can find urself in that position...but if you read nonsense, am not suprise if you put aside the book and get bored. until today, i cant get my hand on Da Vinci Code...dont know why...maybe otak aku takleh nak terima genre serious mcm tu.



anyway - would very much recommended for you guys to read False Impression...not that heavy and yes for me, i cant put it down (even during office hour - actually, baru jer abis baca..curi2 masa hari jumaat). So, Good Luck!



ps/ Thanks mar for the book...

New Blog

This is for enab....

KL - Taiping - KL

Amik masa jap to update my blog...kang enab boring - abis satu blog dia komen...

last friday (16 Feb. 2007) went back to taiping dengan enab and sani- thank you enab...lov ya!! sbb? tiket bas dah abis and aku dah tak option lain utk balik ke taiping selain daripada 'memaksa' sahabat aku sorang ni menghantar aku ke taiping....bestnya...ala..korang pun memang nak jejalan kan? hehe. tapi itu bukan sebb utama aku nak menulis ari ni..yg aku nak bercerita skit pasal kesesakkan selama 5 jam dalam kereta..


usually, it take 3 hours to reach taiping from KL - dengan bas ke, kereta ke - memang 3 jam.tapi pagi tu (we departed at 2.00 am - saturday morning) and stuck in the jam for almost 3 hours. along the way - semua perhentian full..we managed to rest at tapah (itupun nak parking mcm nak separuh mati, and jalan ke foodcourt punyala jauh, the food? tak yah nak cakap - mcm makan kat kantin asrama). continue our journey and our next stop kat sungai perak..jem jugak...petronas penuh, tandas nak kena beratur (daripada ada semangat nak masuk, terus tarak mood)...alhamdullilah, selamat sampai ke umah mak aku kul 8.30 pagi (lebih kurangla).

from taiping to kl, balik dengan hubby and brother in law...pun sama gak...memang dah expect pun. from 2.15 pm (tuesday - bertolak lambat sangat sebb keta buat hal), stuck in the jam 6 hours..huhuhu..nak nangis pun ada. semua perhentian full, and yg peliknya, hentian Rawang ditutup? gila apa...dahla abg ipar aku dah terdesak sangat nak ke toilet time tu, time tu jugak nak tutup jln masuk ke hentian..gila apa. so aku bedal jer masuk ikut jalan exit..

reached kl at 8.30 and baru kitaorg rest betul2...nak berenti lelama kat hentian rawang tak leh sebb takut keta mampus lagi sekali...

penat? emm...memang penat giler..hubby lak continue his journey from kl to paloh, and reached there at 2.00 am..nak temankan pun takleh sbb aku keja the next day.

so, lain kali, plan elok2 nak balik kg tu..make sure keta tak rosak mcm keta aku ni aahh..tension tul..nasib baik bole start balik (keta), kalau tak, ayah mertua aku nak hantar kitaorg to kl and paloh..alahai...

ps/ - baru sempat baca blog capt this morning, terperasan ada link to my blog. really appreciated it ..tapi bukn whistle..ntah apa la capt..sit-thewhistle la...

mar, bila hang nak ada blog sendiri ni? takkan nak baca blog org lain jer?

Valentine Day

my dear best friend, maria wrote in her email to me today:

"let us not forget that it is also a day to appreciate and cherish their good friends!"


so dear dear good friends of mine, happy valentine day to you all......may this day, you find your love and cherish it....


and to my father in law - Happy BESDAY!!! emm...nak kena cari hadiah lepas ni...

'Kawan lama'

Semalam termimpikan kawan lama yg used to be my dear, closest and trusted friend...dont know why i dream about her...mimpi lak pelik..she was asking me why the heck we are no longer kamcing and did she do something wrong...bangun jer dari tido, aku termangu sorang2..lama la jugak aku bertafakur sorang2 daripada kul 5.30 pagi aku bangun, 5.45 baru aku mandi...org cakap, kalau ko terfikirkan org tu, then memang ko akan termimpikan org tu..ye ke?

kalau korang confius, aku sure enab mesti gelak kat aku nyer- (siap hang)...ada cerita sebenarnya kenapa aku dah tak rapat dengan dia ni...seingat akula unless kalau aku dah hilang ingatan la...aku tak pernah sedikit pun abaikan dia...opssi..sorila aku tak leh nak mention name...apa kata aku panggil dia ..emmm bubu...

aku kenal bubu masa aku study lagi..masa tu semester 2 and aku lak masuk class yg aku tak ada geng...so nak tak nak memang kena grouping dgn dia and the geng.. aku rapat dgn bubu and the rest sampaila aku keja..nama pun lebih kurang sama jer and kebetulan lak, perjalanan aku dan dia sama..kami praktikum sama2 so memang kerapatan tu makin kuatla...aku memang jaga dia macm aku jaga adik aku walaupun dia tu tua setahun dari aku..jgn tanya kenapa ...aku pun confius.

yg buat aku sedih sampai lani...cara dia gunakan kepercayaan aku - silap aku jugak..dari dulu aku bukannya senang nak bercerita pasal peribadi aku tapi dgn dia aku bedal jer...yelah bila ko dah percaya..ko percayala kan...ko tak expect pun dia akan bukak pekung di dada...kalau dia nak bercerita tentang keburukan perangai aku...aku tak kisah..ceritala...tapi sampai cerita peribadi aku dekat org lain(aku cerita pada insan2 yg aku sayang and percaya sahaja and aku paling tak suka and pantang kalau org bercerita pasal peribadi aku dengan org lain) - memang melampau and aku tak leh terima...

entahla...aku cuma harap - eventhough sampai hari ni dia duk defend yg dia buat tu utk kebaikan aku (what the heck anyway-urrr...memang aku tak leh nak terima alasan dia) aku memang takleh nak rapat dgn dia mcm dulu..kawan ala2 bacang bole la..tapi utk rapat kembali seperti waktu dulu? nope....no way man..once is enough..i treat you like a princess, you treat me like a dog...

pengajaran besar yg aku belajar ... lani, aku tak suka share masalah aku dgn org lain even dngan yg paling rapat pun..masalah besar aku, biarla aku and Allah sahaja yg tahu. susah nak tahu yg mana kawan and lawan...even ko percaya kat org tu pun, aku rasa, lebih baik aku simpan sendiri...

True friendship is a precious jewel in our lives. A true friend--one who is there in rain or shine--is like a lifeline when we are sinking into the sea of sadness, a beacon to bring us home. They are with us unconditionally, asking nothing in return. They embrace us, help us, and sometimes just sit with us. They rejoice in our successes and console us in our failures. They can also be brutally honest with us about our faults and fallacies, not out of meanness or egotism, but out of a desire to help us avoid the pitfalls they see in our path.

So nurture your friendships. Value them more than any material thing this world has to offer. They are both strong and fragile at the same time. Strong in that no outside force can destroy the bond of true friendship and fragile in that the inside dynamics between two people can. Be a true friend and embrace a true friend. The rewards are great . . .

Perkahwinan

read an article in saifulislam.com about 'Erti perkahwinan - yang dibina atas perjuangan'. tersentuh sebenarnya....mengingatkan diri sendiri yg aku bukan keseorangan sebenarnya. hopefully, ustaz tak kisah kalau saya masukkan dalam blog saya petikan nasihat senior ustaz ...

"Dalam soal berumah tangga, janganlah terlalu memilih dan hanya mencari yang paling sempurna. Jika kita mahu yang paling sempurna, maka nanti apabila kita membuat keputusan untuk menerima seseorang, kita menganggapnya sebagai seorang yang sempurna. Jika rumah tangga dibina atas fikiran seperti itu, kita tidak expect sebarang kekurangan. Maka selepas berumah tangga, hanya kekurangan isteri sahajalah yang sering terlihat di mata, kerana kita menjangkakan kesempurnaan. Terimalah seseorang, seadanya. Kebaikannya disyukuri, kekurangannya diredhai”, (saifulislam.com)

memang benar - jgn memilih seseorang kerana kesempurnaan...kerana kesempurnaan itu tiada dalam satu perhubungan..and jgn terlalu demanding...when you love someone, it should be unconditional love..it is how you give and take...mengharapkan balasan dalam setiap perhubungan tidak akan mendatangkan sebarang kebahagian pada diri sendiri and partner...emmm..aku bukanlah tempat yg sesuai utk dijadikan rujukan...sekadar berkongsi apa yg pernah aku lalui..

dulu, masa hubby amik keputusan ke johor - his main concern is aku...aku tengah pregnant 5 months masa tu...most of my family were against his decision...mana taknya...aku faham kalau depa tak bagi pun...tapi kami dah sebulat suara..yup, its not easy...it took a lots of my kekuatan utk tidak menangis and give up...kalau korang kata senang - aku ingin melihat di mana kesenangan yg ko maksudkan....

and aku harus akui - life is not easy if you set your mind as that...percayala....and aku rasa aku mahu jadikan pegangan ustaz as pegangan aku... kuantiti is not important but quality is...its how you spent your time with your hubby and children even if they are far away...

believe me...kepenatan tidak akan terasa bila bersama depa...ko cuma akan terasa penat bila keseorangan...emmm...


"Rumah tangga dibina bukan hanya atas cinta, tetapi juga pada saling mempercayai. Jika Allah sudah diingkari, siapa lagikah yang boleh dijadikan tempat meletakkan kepercayaan? Dosa semalam akan pasti menjadi kecurigaan hari ini, esok dan selamanya" (saifulislam.com)

Long Call for Maria

Last Friday (26th January 2007), I went for Maria's long call at Mahkamah Tinggi Rayuan Kuasa -kuasa Khas bersebelahan dengan Dayabumi..first time attended such ceremony and i think i can understand why this ceremony is so meaningful for those yang dilantik and diterima secara rasmi as a lawyer... the proceeding was similiar with court proceeding - a Judge, case being presented (emm...there were senior lawyers that read the 'soon to be lawyer's background, their appreciations to their families, friends and etc) and then, the Judge will decide whether or not the 'soon to be lawyer' will formally dilantik as lawyer..and disarungkan jubah hitam by their master (during their chambering days).

for me...melihat sendiri bagaimana sahabat aku ni struggle for her clp (dengan research di MIMA and preparation for exam)...gone through the hardship and dugaan sepanjang chambering (9 bulan)...i must say, i am proud of her..really proud...

for maria,
keep up the good work...you deserve the best and may Allah bless you always. Source: http://www.tembeling.com/pp/ (highly recommended - the pictures are great!)

Dalam hidup ni, you cannot expect things to happen as smooth as you hope...naper aku cakap mcm tu?well...simple, kita bole merancang, yes, tapi untuk menentukan apa yg nak berlaku in future or tomorrow, well keputusan itu bukan ada dalam tangan kita...i have been thinking - these past few days - what have had happen to me and i should be thankful for what ever Allah has given to me...yup...sometimes, during the hardship - you will forget about this - keep on blaming yourself and others for the situation you are in (mostly the othersla). you dont want to take it easy...and then after the problem settled and you are calm, baru you realized that 'what the heck' . this is life dear friends...sometimes, you need someone to remind you so...huhuhu..mcm aku lani la...huhuhu...

oh ya, this is for zainab:

enab, if you love someone, love youself first...then you will know that you have much more love to share and give...i have gone through the same process as you did (bab rahsia tu) but at the end of the day, if you really love him and he love you, he will accept your wrongness and weakness....the most important thing is - you understand him and he understand you...but i will have to say this, accept yourself first then he will accept you...Orait..

okla...chow...

gambar fifi

tak nak cerita banyak - sebab penat belum abis (travel from taiping to KL) errrrrrrggggg

fifi baru belajar nak meniarap

me and fifi

fifi and her opah

selamat Tahun Baru 1428 H

dear frenz,

selamat tahun baru - moga tahun hijrah kali ini memberi sedikit kelapangan buat kalian bersama keluarga..semoga dengan kehadiran tahun baru ini, membawa satu perubahan dalam kehidupan kalian...bagi aku di sini, insya Allah, semoga dengan kehadiran tahun baru ini memberi aku sedikit kekuatan, insya Allah....semoga anak kami sihat dan dirahmati Allah sentiasa...

opss....alhamdullilah yg amat sangat kerana akhirnya abg ipar aku nak kawin jugak tahun ni....syukran...insya Allah, bulan 3 ni, ke rembau la aku....hehehehe...merisik dulu and then insya Allah, bulan 5 ni bertunang...aku doakan kebahagian kalian...lagipun dah cukup umur dah dia nak kawin pun...hehehehe.

emmm....buat sahabat2 ku yg lain - maria, jawa - kuatkan hati and semangat...sungguh aku kagum dengan kalian...insya Allah, doa aku sentiasa bersama kalian...

enab and sani - aku harap hubungan kalian dirahmati Allah sentiasa...dilindungiNya and jganla LAMBAT SANGAT NAK KAWIN TU....aku nak makan nasi minyak korang NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

emm....buat bos yang dihormati, aku doakan kebahagian keluarga and dirahmatiNya sentiasa...semoga tahun baru ini membawa seribu makna buat kalian sekeluarga...

k lil - ayoo...siapla...kalau ct jumpa sesaper yg ct berkenan karang - akak kena jumpa dia jugak...kita nak makan nasi minyak awk lak..

CINTA SEORANG PEMBERI

emm...naper ari ni aku nak cakap pasal cinta seorang pemberi? cinta?

how do you define cinta?

what is actually cinta?

its subjective...banyak yg bole ko cakapkan pasal cinta..definitions dia banyak...tapi cinta seorang pemberi tidak sama dengan cinta org yg menerima..naper aku cakap mcm tu? well..masa aku study dulu, aku ada seorang 'kawan' yg terlalu taksub dengan cinta dia.. apa sahaja yg lelaki tu nak, dia bagi..kekadang tu, sampai sanggup basuhkan baju pakwe dia..nak makan pun nak tunggu pakwe...any decisions, semua datangnya dari lelaki ni..sampai lupa kawan and etc.

yg peliknya, aku tengok lelaki ni tak ada pun, siap keluar dgn pompuan lain lagi....yg paling menyedihkan bila aku tengok cara kawan aku layan lelaki ni and betapa hancurnya dia lepas break up...dulu, aku pernah cakap yg dia ni BODOH..bila kawan dah tak ada, baru ko nak merintih mencari kawan lama...tapi aku siapa utk cakap yg dia bodoh?

dah lama aku loss contact dgn minah ni...sampai aku lupa nama and asal dia....terukkan?

bagi aku...cinta seorang pemberi tak sama dengan cinta org yg menerima...sayangnya seorang pemberi itu, tidak sama dengan sayang org yg menerima...maybe, cinta org yg memberi itu lebih banyak daripada yg menerima...sayangnya seorang pemberi itu lagi banyak daripada org yg menerima...atau, cinta and sayang si pemberi, lagi sedikit daripada cinta and sayang si penerima..

"Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well."- Vincent Van Gogh

menyakitkan hati

emmm..kenapa hari ni aku sakit hati? actually, dari semalam lagi aku sakit hati...kalau sakit hati pasal kerja, aku leh accept lagi sebb kalau keja tak kena kutuk, bukan keja la namanya tu...aku sakit hati dengan perangai manusia yg bermuka dua...depan cakap lain- belakang cakap lain...apa jenis manusia mcm ni?

aku tak kisah kalau ko tak siap keja...asalkan ko admit ..ini tidak, bila ditanya, cakap dah nak siap and aku tak yah campur tangan...tapi bila aku tengok final result keja tu, sungguh2 menyakitkan hati sebabnya - keja pakai bantai and bukan seperti yg diwal-wal...what the f'''. kalau diikutkan, mau jer aku bantai...nasib baik aku ni jenis marah diam...kalau aku ni jenis memekik sana sini, nasib ko la.......ya rabbi....

LIFE IN ESTET

Weekend, spent time with hubby di paloh. Alhamdullilah, hujan dah tidak sekerap bulan yg lepas. Air yg naik di jalan2 exit ke kluang and yong peng dah surut and bolela aku balik bercuti bersama hubby. Tak ada banyak yg berubah sepanjang minggu ini. cuma, kawasan estet yang ditenggelami air dah surut and the impact...wow..memang agak terukla...banyak palm oil yg tumbang, tanah lumpur naik agak tinggi di kawasan estet, and I think kawasan estet FELCRA sahaja yang still ada air...maybe sebab kawasan Felcra tu mendap skit kut..sayangnya aku tak sempat nak amik gambar kawasan banjir..tak apalah....kawasan paloh tak terjejas teruk seperti mana kawasan banjir di muar, batu pahat, segamat and etc. Alhamdullilah...estet hubby pun tak terjejas...alhamdullilah, estet dia near to pekan and di kawasan tinggi.

life in estet? well...for certain people, it might be boring...dependla...banyak jugak advantages dia...for example, you dont have to worry about cost of living..memang rendahla compare to KL. you dont have to think about paying electrical bil, air ke...bil telifon ke..its all provided by the management. but for staff - ada limitla....at least kalau aku satu family kat sini, memang tak yah pikir sangat pasal belanja umah...ayam - fresh punya, sayur, well..dependla...kekadang tu you can get the fresh one...cuma ikan, agak expensive and not fresh at all...maybe sebab supply from outside..and yg paling penting sekali - SAVING..memang ada...nak belanja apa sangat....kalau ko jenis boros, memangla...

but to tell you the truth, most of the staff kat dalam estet ni, yg aku perasan, paling koman, depa ada keta kancil..most of them, pakai wira. yg tak tahan tu, ada yg pakai waja tu..alahai.motor, tak yah cakap la..aku rasa memang wajib dalam estet ni ko pakai motor..kalau tak, ko nak masuk field mcm mana...

pekan paloh kecil jer..but sufficient. ada stesen KTM, bank (maybank and bsn), kilang, kedai makan - banyakla jugak, kedai runcit lagila..., cuma yg tak ada KFC, Mcdonald, or Pizza..huhuhu...setakat nak cari bekalan makanan, beres jer...kalau terasa boring tu, bole ke yong peng, kluang (which will take you almost 20-25 minutes by car) or batu pahat..tak jauh..cuma nak ke segamat (lalu jalan kampung) sakit skitla...kiri kanan kelapa sawit.

kalau nak tahu, kul 5.30 pagi, loceng akan berbunyi - time keja (friday cuti kay). memang satu estet leh dengar and kuat GILER. aku kalau tido mati, memang tak dengar..kalau tak, ko bole bangun subuh terus..and then, at 6.10 am, harvesters and staff dah berkumpul for 'master' (punch card), the assistant manager (AM) will brief them on their tasks for the day. and then, after about 1/2 hour or more, you dah masuk field. most of the staff kat sini, local, indonesian, some from india and bangladesh..but yang paling ramai, indonesian and local indian.

tasks will include:

1. harvesting - potong tandan buah yg masak;
2. weeding - meracun;
3. prunning - kutip buah yg luruh (ini wajib sebb nak jaga kawasan kasi bersih and tak der anak pokok yg naik.
4. research - well...aku tak berapa surela..yg ni bukan dalam bidang tugas hubby..so aku pun tak tahu banyak sangat;
5. kilang - each estet ada kilang sendiri tau...so after harvesting tu, terus dibawa ke kilang. dalamla jugak...

one of the task is - susun pelepas...aku tak ingat istilah apa hubby aku bagitau dulu

weeding

weeding - pakai tractor

insofar, ini sahaja yg aku leh fikirkan...staff yg lain- tugasnya bersihkan rumah majikan and staff kerani. umah hubby aku, adala makcik ni yg bersihkan...kecoh jugak mulut dia..kekadang tu, bole sakit jiwa gak aku dibuatnya..huhuhu..tapi, trick dia, masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kirila.

hubby aku, masuk keja kul 6.10 pagi, rest at 10.30 (itupun kalau dia rest), continue his work at 11.30 until 2 pm and rest for an hour..lepas tu, sambungla sampai kul berapa yg perlu..yg selalunya, sepanjang aku duk kat sini, paling awalpun, kul 5.30 pm and paling lewat, after 8.00 mlm..ayooo....aku pun tak tahu nak cakap apa..as a wife, you memang kena ada kesabaran and pengertian sebenarnya. kalau you tak faham dengan keja your husband, then there is no need for a wife...cheeeee.hehehe.

but its true...as a wife, aku memang dah accept life mcm ni sejak hubby accept offer by the KLK. lagipun, mana boring pun....rumah yg dia bagi,besarla jugak...ada banyak keja yg leh ko buat..then , kawasan luar umah pun besar jgk...nak tanam apa pun leh. nak kata, life tak ada...ada sebenarnya..tapi kalau ko sorang2, memang sakitla jugak. most of the AM yg hubby kenal, live separately from their wife and family..ada yg stay togerther..but most of them, live separately. so, you will have to get use to it.

okla...chow.

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.

<Dah lama tak update blog...bukan apa..kekadang tu, rasa mcm masa menghimpit diri-tak sempat... well kita dah masuk tahun baru-

makin tua-

makin besar tanggungjawab-

makin tinggi harapan-

makin sibuk-

makin sedikit waktu utk org lain-

makin suntuk masa utk diri sendiri-

sebab

makin banyak yg nak dikejar-

makin banyak yg difulfillkan-

makin banyak yg nak diubah-

makin banyak yg nak dikurangkan-

makin banyak yg nak diucapkan-

makin banyak yg dibuat-

we might not be the same, and we might be the same..terpulang pada diri sendiri..terpulang pada kemampuan dan kudrat...yg paling penting, terpulang kepada KEMAHUAN.

bagi aku...punya kehidupan sendiri-berkeluarga and punya anak yg perlu dibentuk sudah cukup. lately aku terfikir kalau aku tak keja and spend more time with my hubby and anak, agaknya kehidupan kami bagaimana? mampu aku mengubat kerinduan seorang ayah kepada anaknya yg jauh di mata? mampu aku mendekatkan anak dengan ayahnya? atau mampu aku membantu suamiku dalam menguruskan keluarga? aku tidak fikir aku mampu membantu hubby. emm...kalau diikutkan hati aku ni, nak jer aku berenti keja. anak jauh di mata, suami lagila....anak jauh di utara, hubby lak di selatan...tuhan sahajalah yg tahu. kalau hati aku lembek, memang dah lama aku menangis di tengah jalan..aku pun bukannya sekuat mana pun..tapi alhamdullilah...Allah sentiasa memberi...yg penting, mcm mana ko menghargai apa yg diberi.

rindukan anak...rindukan hubby...well, alah tegal bisa. kalau diikutkan hati, memangla...tapi kalau kemahuan itu ada...insya Allah, yg susah bole jadi senang... kalau nak diikutkan jalan pendek memang senang - but at the end, you will not know...sama ada ko akan regret dgn keputusan yg dibuat or be happy with it.

actually, kata2 nenek aku last two weeks yg buat aku terfikir balik apa yg aku nak dalam hidup...dia cakap 'along, sampai bila nak duduk jauh2 dgn laki, anak'....

this is life...you do whatever you have to do in order for your children and your family to have what they deserve to have..dulu aku tak fikir mcm tu pun...dah kawin, dah ada anak...ko akan terfikir yg ko nak bagi apa shj yg termampu utk anak and family ko sendiri.. cuma, ko kena pandai tackle time and action...jgn sampai kejar duit, anak dibelakangkan...kekadang tu apa yg anak nak, tak sama dengan apa yg kita nak...well..been there already..so...aku tak nak anak merasa apa yg pernah aku rasa..

anyway..sempena tahun baru ni...semoga sahabat2 yg aku sayang - maria, zainab, jawa, ina, k long, fiza, ida, g kechik- happy sokmo2...tabah and kuat dalam menempuhi apa yg ada di hadapan...kerana aku tahu, kalian punya cerita hidup yg tersendiri...enab - kawinla wooiit....

kawan2 aku yg lain, adik2 aku yg degil and ketegak tu...this year, jgn nak memain dah...especially adik aku ayuz ni...BELAJAR!!!!! kang ada nak kena belasah kang...