new pet

kucing di atas dibeli kelmarin dulu utk anak aku yg sulung ni ahh. sampai umah jer, terus kong...abis 10 git free2...huhuhu.mcm mana tak kong, dia duk pegang kucing tu mcm kucing hidup kat umah aku ni aahhh...pegang tengkuk, dahla seme wayar yg berkaitan ada kat situ, sudahnya rosak terus. takperla..tak ada rezeki fifi nak main cak2 dgn kucing mainan dia ni.

ayah fifi beli pun sbb kesiankan ank dia yg duk menghadap ank kucing(ank2 dudu).risau takut dia kena asma ke lelah ke disbbkan kucing. kalu setakat pegang jer takper..ini kalu aku terlepas pandang kejap, tengok2 jer dia dah cium ank2 kucing yg ada 4 ekor tu..waduh, bisa sakit jantung aku dibuatnya. nak buang kucing2 ni aku tak sampai hati. dah itu mainan fifi...drp time dudu kecik (huby amek kat tengah jalan, nsib baik tak kena langgor) terus ler sampai beranak pinak ni, dudu ler mainan dia (walaupun dah banyak kali kena cakau dek dudu). bole ketawa mengekek, main kejor2 dgn dudu...camner?

emmmmm..

time ni didi(aku ler bagi namer) dah rosak tapi fifi buat main peluk.

tak perluler nak agak dia tengah wat per....asalnya mata didi ni menyala, tu yg fifi duk tengok tu...
posing depan m.i.c.k.e.y m.o.u.s.e (nyanyi yer). tengah tunggu ayh dia balik..time2 mcm ni, aku bole relaks sbb dia memang duduk jer tengok cartoon mickey mouse ni. dah bole sebut few words (fun- tapi tunjuk tangan give me five- huhuhu), one, bababa (ala, lagu baba black sheep tu) and nyanyi lagu mickey mouse (walaupun aku sendiri tak bisa menangkap apa yg dia nyanyikan..) hasil drp mickey mouse..adala one day, tiba2 dia menari tangan kepak ayam..aku tak ingat lak aku ajar fifi buat tu, rupa2nya dia duk ikut mickey menari ayam. alahai anak aku ni..

fifi

amani

fibroids

emm...seem that my mum is having fibroid (according to my sister who wrote in her blog, wondering why she did not sms).

before i got pregnant with amani, i was diagnosis with fibroids too, and i kept it secret (dont know why).. so when i got pregnant, dr idris (from pusrawi - he is a Good doctor, recommended if you want to proceed your medical check up at pusrawi with him or dr. adilah), told me i should be grateful coz the baby shrink the fibroid (i still have the picture (scanned) and the size was a bit smaller compared to my baby that time- i cant remember the size.. he told me not to worry coz it was normal and to follow up in future. but he also warn me that if the fibroid getting bigger instead of getting smaller as he predicted it to be, my baby might having problem and me too..however, alhamdulllilah, it did not happen and amani was born healtier as any baby can be.

i have not done my pap smear check up yet, which is VERY IMPORTANT for those who have delivered their baby and women at age above 30. am not sure if the fibroid is there or not but hopefully not lah. i guess i should do my check up this week uh.

in case, if you ladies are not sure what the heck is fibroids, you can read from here..(very basic)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibroids

secret

what if you have a secret and not willing to share with others?

what if the secret that you're hiding is eating you alive?

what if that secret push you over limit and shut your brain off?

what if you gut telling you to do something but it get stuck because of that secret?

what if that secret affecting your life?

can you live with that secret by yourself?

i have not know the answer to all the question.

but i do know that i will kept the secret

even if it killing me inside, for now.

happy...

important announcement: alhamdullilah, amani tak der CP....huhuhu. aku punyala lega sampai tak terkata per2. bukan aper, kalu nak kena CP pun, i hope biarla seusia fifi sekrg ni (>1 year ). at least fifi tak derla terasa mcm aku lebihkan amani lak. dia pun dah makin jeles dgn adik dia...sian kat amani...sian kat aku gak...

hari ni aku terkejut skit. first, dengan respon amani towards fifi. b4 this fifi selalu sangat tolak walker amani and jerit2 kat dia and amani mcm biasa, muka blur and kekadang tu mengamuk dalam walker la..nangis tu adatla. but today, wow...aku tengah basuh pinggan and depa masuk dapur skali..as i expected fifi and amani kalut nak main peti ais, fifi geram and tolak adik dia. amani lak (yg buat aku terkejut) hari ni garang sungguh, dia tolak walker dia langgar fifi (few times) and tolak tangan sis dia...kukukuku..aku yg duk pegang pinggan pun bole stop setengah jalan..terkejut.fifi mcm biasala, menangis ler kena langgor.nasib baik takder aper2 kat tangan dia, kalu tak dah sure kepala adik kene ketuk. sighhhhhhh

you know, org tua cakap kita bole agak karakter anak kita masa depa kecil lagi. and this case, i can oly guess. i cant wait to see amani grow up. serasa hati ni mcm fifi dah tak bole buli adik dia lagi kut...memandangkan saiz amani pun dah mencecah dagu fifi (ini belum bole berdiri sendiri lagi ni) i think she will grow taller than her sis. cant wait for them to grow up and watch what battle they will be in. sighhhhh. i need my peace...huhuhu

time depa tido tadi aku belek album..tertengok senyuman manja fifi kecik2 dulu..nak tengok?my first born baby...

aku paling suka yg ni...hehehe
mcm nak nangis pun ada kan?time ni gigi tarak lagi.

yg ni seblm pi zai punya majlis tunang.amcm? cute tak?

anak2....despite aper yg depa buat, depa la dunia aku...aku ingat lagi b4 aku gave birth amani, muka fifi mcm sedih jer lepas hantar aku ke pital..agaknya dia tahu kut. time visited aku kat pital pun tak nak rapat and senyum kat aku...huhuhu...time tu lah aku sedih sangat.tak tahu naper.

fifi, ibu nak fifi tahu yg walaupun ibu lahirkan 10 org adik pun utk fifi, you are my first born baby,i watched ur first smile, ur first laugh, ur first tooth...i adores u.

chick chick chick

waked up this morning and noticed something different on amani's face. bintik2 merah...wondering? emmm...benda yg aku duk takut sangat dah pun jadi. no wonder why dia asyik merengek semalam and menangis jer even mata duk tutup..rupa2nya chicken pox..wahhhhh.

nothing can be done. tomorrow kena start bagi dia minum air kelapa and continue to monitor the red spots. so aku dah warning hubby siap2. kalau aku tak sempat masak ke atau aku masak cincai ke, tak perlula nak komen lebih2. kalau demam hari tu aku kena dukung dia memanjang sbb dia nangis, ini kan pula bila dah kena chicken pox. i guess, it cannot be help anymore.

dulu masa mula2 fifi kena cp, aku memang tak bole tido sangat...dia panas and gatal2..it worse at night and she dont want to eat at all. she lost weight and she was nine months. this time, turn amani lak (baru jer seven months). am i worried? yes i am...last month mek was here. this time, i'm alone. hubby lak, GM dia nak datang visit so aku tak nak kacau dia sangat. lagipun amani memang tak nak sesaper kalu tak sihat...

jgnla ada sesaper yg call aku time ni...risau plak kalu nada suara tak seberapa..kang aku dilabelkan garang tak bertempat...emmm.

terbaca blog ayuz tadi...kewujudan yg tak memberi makna kepada sesiapa? terpikir lak aku naper kewujudan dia tak terasa dek org lain (emm...). yg terlintas dek otak aku yg copet ni, selalunya org tak perasan kepentingan kita except bila dah tader nanti. bukan nak kata apala...ada masanya memang terasa mcm tu if you choose to feel that way. dulu aku pun mcm tu. selalu sangat terasa mcm org luar even dalam family sendiri. merana la jugak dulu sampaila aku jadi keras malas nak rapat dgn org. itu bukan contoh yg baik. unlike my sis, aku ni susah jugak nak rapat dengan org except bila dah lelamer and org tu tahan dengan perangai entah aper2 aku ni. aku rasa adik aku pun terasa yg aku entah per2..huhuhu. aku rasa sampai lani yg betul2 faham aku (kecuali hubby) mar, zai, fano, k ju, k noni, k lin, ita and bubu (ye ke dia faham aku?).

so yuz, buat aper nak layan sangat perasaan tu...kalu ko ni tak ada kepentingan, tak dela sumer benda org nak ko buat kat bedsa tu. haaah, cakp pasal ni, kurang2kan la keaktifan ko tu...busy memanjang...cuba2la buat rest skit. tahula minat tapi berpada la..


ini gambar fifi lepas sihat dr cp...kurus kan?

sdsdsad

i was washing dishes when suddently i recall jawa's (one of my friends) face when i asked him about account subject during my matriculation days. hahahaa...first time u asked, he is more than willing to show u how..second time asking the same thing, his face would definitely change.and if he asked me 'faham tak?' i would just nod and walked away. why? i definitely dont want to watch his face. it was more easier to ask syakir (wondering how he is now) than jawa..

the memories during my study came and i cant help but to smile and laugh aloud (even fifi laugh with me..:)

our class, H, celebrated everyone birthday. more than often we had a suprise party (not really a partyla) and having fun. i recall our SA (secret admirer) gathering where we exchanged presents and get to know who our sa was. (it was cikgu zamri' ideas to have sa in our class among ourself to give supports and etc). we received mail in a box (at the back of our class) and my sa called herself sotong...huhuhu..it was faizah . she told me she choose katak because she could give me her hands when i need her. yup...she is a good friend. she gave me suports and i dont think i can barter the time spent with her. thinking about her sadden me a bit...she failed in our last term exam and could not proceed to uum like the rest. i hope she succeed in her life.

my deskmate, ita...last time i called her, she was married to a sailor. emmm..

asma, married to one of my friends, saiful and a teacher today..i think she teaches in Sabah or Sarawak..cant recall. she loves to argue..most of the time with jawa..

mila, one of the sweetest friends of all...she really sweet and i always refer to her about account (not my favourite subject).

normie and g...both of them are good in math and account. G likes to compare her marks with jawa...quite but supportive.

ja...she was the shortest among us and i knew her since form 1 at smss trg. very sassy indeed and i wouldnt dare to cross her when she have her mood.

ati, our assist. same like ja, i knew her at smss. very good in math...

mazlan...ahh..he is the most cool guy i ever met. silent is sexy you know...shah, funny guy. i recall i asked him to be my cameraman during my presentation for bm subject and i couldnt watched him during my presentation coz of his smiling face. he sure know how to make people laugh with him.

err...i cant recall the rest of the name...

but i do recall cikgu sanisah's classes. it was very annoyingyou know. jawa was slepping (well, he sleeps most of the classes) and managed to answer correctly when cikgu asked him. ghee..me and ita, selalu sangat mengumpat jawa..not in negative way la...cuma menyampah bila dia bole jawab betul even tengah tido!

rindu plak nak study.

Again

when we moved here, fifi got chicken pox and alhamdullilah mek was here to help me out. it took more than a week and during those time i was freaking afraid if amani get infection as well. however, it turn out that amani is fine and NO chicken pox...i guess because i still breastfeed her and her immunity is much stronger than fifi.

however, today she got fever...not very high (yet -i hope not tomorrow) and now i'm freaking tired. she wants me around her, i cannot actually left her coz she will cry. with those teary round eyes, i dont know what else to do when fifi also want my attention. even she smell difference today.

i try my best to read as much as i can about parenting from the net.(i'm very unfortunate you know...why? segamat have everything- pital, shopping complex, a very great siakap stall, great FOOD - no need to wonder where i got my extra pound, great in everything except there's no KINO, MPH or POPULAR. small bookstores adala but the books i'm looking for always tak der. at the end, i only get to read tips or motherhood experiences from internet jerlaa)

why the heck i did that for? i'm lost...somehow, i'm lost and i dont know where and who to refer to.

i get depressed easily even for small tiny matters. more than often i get mad at hubby for stupid reason and my tempers are very very short nowdays. fifi? she always get the end result of my temper. if she beat amani and she did not want to hear my warning, she will end with crying and i felt sick about this! i made a promise to myself when i got pregnant with fifi - not to raise my child with beating and etc. somehow, i fail. urggg..what should i do?

there were times when zai called and i sound tired, there were time when my sis called, i sound very annoyed and angry. there were time when hubby want something from me, i give my irritating and annoying responses as well. ghee.. very tired. i loves my kids from the bottom of my heart. i cherish the time i spent with them because i dont want to have the same feeling i had when fifi stay with her grandparent. i want to be there for them and loving them even when sometimes i got myself headache trying my best to be fair for both of them. i guess i have to try harder each day.

emmm....now i feel guilty like hell..

"You should never hit your child when you are angry. Not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment, but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.

It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.

Since it is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.

Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once in his life hit a child, a woman or a servant." (http://www.islamic-world.net/parenting/parenting_tips.htm)

fifi and amani

latest pics of fifi and amani. there were times when i need help with these two cute and actives daughters of mine...sometimes bila aku tak ada dengan depa, dengar2 jer amani nangis sbb kena pukul dek kakak dia...most of the time, fifi akan selit duk sebelah aku bila aku dukung amani lamer skit. kalu aku main dgn amani, dia pun sureee punya akan celah di tepiii. bila amani duk dalam walker dia, fifi akan menjerit and tolak adik dia jauh dari dia (well, sakit kena langgar dek amani). yg paling aku geram kekadang tu bila fifi duk menjerit kat adik dia

aku pun pening gak kekadang tu.. amani plak lani dah pandai..kalau kakak dia tolak dia, dia pun jerit mengamuk gak...kalau nampak aku pi dapur, dia pun heret walker dia ke dapur gak...ke mana2 sajer kakak dia pi, dia ikut..pas tu gaduh, pas tu nangis pastu aku lak nangis...

despite of that, walau senakal mana pun depa ni....yg paling buat aku tersenyum and ketawa biarlah masa tu aku tengah geram and marah giler, time tu jgkla depa buat muka...the best moment bila fifi main cak cak dengan amani...bole dengar amani gelak and jerit...bila aku gelak, dua2 pun gelak...bila aku naik angin, dua2 pun naik angin...

fifi dengan penyapu daun

after eating cookies.

New Pogoh

Been nearly 2 years at Paloh and moved to New Pogoh, Segamat last month.

The house- alhamdullilah...not like the previous one and still new (2 years old). the house have 3 rooms, 3 bathroom, nice and big yard for fifi to play around (still, i have to be extra careful in case ada ulaq - what do u expect, nama lagi duk dalam utan kan...). nice and cozy kitchen (not that i'm a good cooker newey) and the most important near to other houses as well...(tak adala dekat sangat pun, huhuuhu). kitaorg duk yg paling atas sekali tapi tak dela scary mcm kat paloh tuuu...(in case if my sis worry about dogs barking at night).



the nearest town is Segamat, took about 10- 15 minutes by car and 15 minutes to Tenang. from highway, you can either exit at Yong Peng (nearly 1 and 1/2hour to get here) or tangkak (45 minutes- adviseable to exit at Tangkak). seme ada kat segamat ni - hospital, bank, shopping complex and etc.

Ada a few things that i dont really like about here...satu, pasar jauh...dua, kedai runcit ada satu jerrrr dalam estet ni (so barang memang mahal skit and lauk yang dia jual pun SAMA jer HARI-HARI). tiga, pekan yg paling dekat kat Tenang and nak kuar dari sini memang aku tak kuasa sbb dalamnyerrr rumah aku ni. empat, ada satu jerrr kedai makan (tapi aku takde selera nak masuk...no comment) other than that, aku OK.tapi mcm hubby aku cakap, bersyukur la sebab ni pun belum lagi kena pindah ke kawasan dalam yg nun jauh dari pekan...huhuhuhu..aku memang kena terima hakikat yg hubby aku ni keja estet...nak tak nak ke, aku kena terima la..


life kat sini tak sama mcm di paloh...kat sini, workers tak ramai sangat. paling ramai indonesian. local tak ramai yg stay sini- depa duk di kg sebelah estet ni and most of them ada tanah sendiri. so mcm tauke kedai runcit duk habaq kat aku, sebb tu lah banyak kedai mkn yg tutup dalam estet ni. rumah workers pun banyak yg kosong compare to Paloh yg tak cukup umah.

yg aku suka, makcik yg tolong bersihkan rumh ni baik ler sesangat..hujan pun datang keja gak. aku tak yah nak cakap banyak- dia tahu jer nak kemas apa, buat apa.. so aku tak derla rasa bersalah sangat nak mintak tolong dia.

fifi posing depan pintu umah


so far alhamdullilah sebb fifi and amani stay dengan selesanya di sini. tak banyak karenah and itu yg penting bagi aku...cuma aku kena berjaga skit kalu nak bagi fifi main di luar.plus bit bit (my rabbit) selesa jer main keliling umah and dudu (my cat) can stay outside with her new found family..

fifi and amani

testinggg

having prob to download pictures of my babies.....maybe next time...

Thanks to Hubby

first, let me thanked my hubby for making this possible...alhamdullilah...he notice how bored i am and bought this 3G celcom package for me to use at home. Thank you bi....

actually, baru jer abis baca blog capt. apandi...i never really had the chance before this...and just realized how bad i am for not be able to keep up with his story and life...for all i know, i felt alone. without dear friends, mar and zai...without his (capt apandi) to shout calling my name to his office room...without news about them, i feel awfull...really awfull...am sad for not being a good friend as i should. feel bad for not be able to be there when they need. am very sorry...i could not turn back the time..i just wish and pray that we will always be as a friends.....................................