my little garden

actually dah start since bulan 3 lagi. lani baru nampak hasil. inilah keja aku pepagi bila makcik sanniah datang tolong kemaskan umah. adala dalam 54 guni aka pokok. yg seronoknya bila berkebun ni time apa yg kita tanam tumbuh and menjadi. alhamdullilah, dapatla merasa hasil sendiri.

new pics

upload from my hphone. today fifi dah start tak tidur petang. nampaknya kena pandai2 ler aku cari apa yg nak kena buat. kesian dia main sorang2 bila amani tido. and lately fifi asyik panggil aku popah jer (opah). haih...

****

mana2 kami pi, mesti org akan tegur - dua beradik ni lain2 ek...sorang rambut lurus, sorang kerinting...

during my visit to my maksu's house for kenduri tahlil, maksu pun tegur (maybe sbb dia dah lama tak tengok fifi) - eh, mcm maria la...

ok....

i guess, kekadang tu betul jgk org tua kata. time aku pregnantkan fifi dulu pun asyik berangin je dgn maria. rasa menyampah ada, geram ada, memacam ler...mek dah pernah cakap, jgn ada rasa mcm tu karang terkenan anak tu..

aper pun, adala jgk iras skit2

and fifi mmng ikut ayah dia -dari muka, rambut, perangai..seme ikut ayah dia. sbb tu lah dia anak ayah.

tanya hati

in my previous entry ada citer pasal dapat offer cikgu ganti kan? tapi tak dapat. sbb? rupanya nak kena pasang kabel baru dapat...aku yg ignorant bab2 ni, lurus bendul pi pejabat pendidikan daerah utk apply. ingatkan okla tapi rupanya aku sepatutnya jmpa kerani sekolah tu, bg dia yg tlg settlekan dgn pengetua. ooo.....baru tahu tapi tak apala. tak ada rezeki. maybe next time.


hari ni asyik pikir nak start keja balik jer. tak tau kenapa. lebih2 lak bila tahu kwn2 aku ramai jadi ppd. alahai....itu angan2 time study in case tak dapat nak continue jadi lecture..tapi aku lak duk umah.


kawn time sek dulu adala tipon aku tanya kabor. dia kata apasal ler aku duk umah padahal dulu bagai nak rak study nak masuk u. bila dah abis u duk umah lak. so hari ni bila ingat balik apa yg dia cakap, aku kompius gak.


last2 aku bagitau diri sendiri - tanya la hati tu...kalu rasa dah tak takut nak lepas ank kat org lain, applyla mana2..haih

al fatihah

ada banyak cerita yg hendak dikongsikan tapi otak tak boleh berjalan mcm biasa.


hari ni tetiba teringatkan insiden 4 tahun lepas..time my uncle masuk icu. di waiting room hospital universiti, berjumpa dengan satu family- wife yg sarat mengandung, 2 anak and her parent menunggu utk melawat suami yg sakit. i cant remember arwah sakit apa...lagipun tak tergamak rasanya nak bertanya lebih time tu melihatkan kakak tu yg pucat tapi masih boleh tersenyum.

hari terakhir berada di wad, mendapat tahu yg si suami meninggal dunia pada hari kakak itu melahirkan anak mereka ke 3.


kita yg mendengar terasa pedih, tapi tidak sepedih yg dirasa oleh kakak itu.....





al-fatihah buat arwah. al fatihah buat arwah abg adi..

lonely

ever since i'm at home

i never really felt lonely

the time flew away

when i'm with my kids

last month

i felt lonely

my aunt passed away

i was depressed

havent seen my babies the whole day

locked myself in a room

alone

feeling regret

i can never visit her again

feeling guilty

for i have not seen her for four years

hating for myself

for not knowing that she was hospitalized

i felt lonely

and it was painful.

and i felt it again this month..

i'm not really know arwah

somehow

i felt lonely

because i am here

i am not there

i dont know what to do

what to say

what to write

what to ask

freaking mother

me and huby, plan nak antar fifi tadika next year. we chosed yg islamic punya and lokasi pun ok. what concern me the most is that - I AM NOT PREPARE TO LET MY BABY GO........

you can call me whatever name you want. i guess i am a freaking mother. anxious in other hand, freak out another. this is another BIG step that fifi have to go and somehow i' afraid.

***
mcm ari ni....opah depa bawak fifi pi JB (aunt my huby duk kat kempas)- bukannya dia pi bermalam tapi aku risau (walaupun aku tak perlu risau lagipun fifi pun pernah dijaga oleh opah dia)...rasa rindu nak dengar suara dia pun ada sejak dari kul 2.30 ptg till now..haih.

***

yesterday ada org tanyakan sama ada aku leh jadi cikg ganti ... dalam hati? memang nak and dah terima pun tapi at the same time, naper rasa berat hati nak tinggalkan anak padahal sekolah dekat and sampai tengahari jer pun....pasal aperla aku jadi mcm ni.

huby: panggil ibu

nani: bobo...bobo...(our cat)

***

huby: ibu, pukul kakak ni

fifi: no no no...(sambil hentak kaki or peluk tubuh)

****

me: nani, panggil kakak

nani: nani....mama...

***

me: kakak, mana nani? (with my eyes close)

fifi: nani, where ar u..

***

me: kakak, sori sori...

fifi: soi soi...(sambil menari super junior)

***

huby: bye bye

nani: bye bye, uh uh (love u)

***

huby: assalamualaikum

nani: sakum, bye bye, uh uh

***
my first baby dah besar...dah pandai makan sendiri, dah pandai tolak sayur bagi kat adik. dah pandai tak cemburu sangat dengan adik. dah pandai ambik pampers and tuang bedak siap2. dah pandai mandi sendiri, tak payah nak simbahkan...dah pandai pilih baju cantik yg nak dipakai..dah pandai pujuk aku...dah pandai buat muka..haih..........

nani? semua dah pandai ikut kakak. merajuk lari dalam bilik, duk atas katil sampai nak kena pujuk. dah pandai pukul and tendang kakak dia. dah pandai main acah2 dgn kakak sampai gaduh. dah pandai minta itu ini...dah pandai bodek. haih....

bila dah besar mcm ni, teringat masa depa kecik. bila tengok gambar time depa baby, terasa sebak pun ada...terasa berbaloi duk umah melayan karenah walaupun penat gila lani sbb dua2 dah pandai demand....

fibroid - part II

here it come again. my husband's aunt will be having her fibroid operation tomorrow. she was worried and concern about it. who will not? this worried me too since i have not scan mine...it was 11 cm and i'm not sure sama ada perlu dibuang fibroid shj atau fibroid and rahim...

fibriod is not something that can be ignored or pandang sebelah mata. most of us tak sedar simpton and kesannya. actually, it can be a serious problem for women above 40 years old as it can lead into cancer.

among the simptons are :

1-Heavy Vaginal Bleeding — excessive menstrual bleeding that can develop anemia, low blood count. one of the article that i read also described that if we are having menstrual pain or senggugut yg serius, haid tak teratur or skit pun bole menyumbang kepada fibroid. (check this website - http://www.hamidarshat.com

2- Pelvic Pressure or Discomfort — heaviness or pressure in the lower abdomen or pelvis. this kind of simptom mcm terasa pregnant. as i recall, when i was 6 months pregnant and above, my abdomen terasa berat- maybe mcm tu kut.

3-Bladder Changes — urinate more frequently.

4- Low back pain

5- Rectal Pressure — difficulty having a bowel movement

not bad

dah lama tak update blog- modem ada masalah and seterusnya membawa kepada tamatnya pakej broadband yg aku pakai..semenya sbb modem and connection yg lembab..maybe sbb aku duk kawasan estet...so signal agak weak. bertukar kepada 1515 tmnet, not bad....walaupun tahap kelajuan dia tak sama dengan 3G celcom tapi alhamdullilah, so far (baru 2 hari pakai) laju jgk and no problem.

bulan ni merupakan bulan yg paling panas sejak kami berpindah ke segamat....dari pagi sampai malam...maybe kawasan lain pun sama. agak lama jgk tak hujan...last time hujan, kilat berdentum sampai bergegar atap umah...sib baik tak jadi apa2 and huby pun kat umah masa tu. kalu tak memang aku kaget nak buat apa. kalu sorang2 tak apa tapi anak2. bimbangkan depa.

tak nak cerita banyak2 utk entry kali ni...sbb dah lama tak berblogging so kena amek time dulu.

ja....

a day to celebrate

being pregnant and carrying baby inside ur womb for nine months is the most wonderful experience you ever had. seeing my little cousin, mohd haikal hafiz (born on 7th december) sure got me eager to have another. well...which not advised by my previous doctor. (she strongly told me not to get pregnant at least for another 5 years) ..

i could still recall both time when i hold my precious babies. fifi was so small compared to amani and she looked more fragile than her sister. i remember how loud fifi cried in the nursery (which woke up most of the babies) and the nurse told me, she was the loudest (well, even today). amani...well, she cried the first day and the nurse could not put her down until she was put beside me. then she sleep like a baby.

amani

fifi

there were much more memories about them which i'm sure every mum had and have not forgoten too..





to my dearest maksu,





congratulation for your newborn baby.

album lama

semalam menyibukkan diri dengan membelek albm lama. ada yg buat sengih sesorang, ada yg buat rasa terkilan and sedih. agaknya mungkin sbb dah lama tak jumpa kekawan lama, terus sayu semacam.

perasaan ingin bekerja semula tetiba je datang..terasa rindu lak. and kekadang buat rasa depressed pun ada.

something about the way daphne (bai boo magazine - gurdian) buat aku terpikir memacam. she said, 'there's no two way about it.'

you can choose to be a fulltime mother or a career mother. either way, you shouldnt have to feel oblighed coz at the end, it will not bring any happiness to u or to ur kids. parenting didnt stop when our kids got married..it stop when we close our eyes- something that i learned while spending too much time reading online. and yes, i do feel happy and lucky because i could watched every steps they took and every details of their life with me. i glad and thankful.

but i'm not perfect. and having this urge to go outside and work, have make me felt misrable inside coz i know deep down, i cannot trust anyone with my kids.

when i read capt's blog - there i was reminded. set my priorities...he always remind me (during my work days) and much more advise and wisdom of words that i have lately forgoten. there were some of his entry that make me think again and again how my life have been this past few years. how ups and downs gave me enough strength to smile again and not to feel regret on some things that have been in mind lately.

i have make the choice. and yes, i'm happy with my choice...

so, if i feel out of blue in future, remind me how precious life is..

happy oktober

wanna wish happy birthday

to my dearest friends and mentor

they are too precious to me

i pray and hope

may they have a blessing happiness

blessing life with their family and kids

blessing joy and serenity with their love one.

HFMD

hand, foot and mouth diseases..

i read about it...but i take it for granted. now? my two precious baby are being effected by it. alhamdullilah..both of them are getting better.

hfmd -

-boleh dijangkiti dgn mudah kpd kanak2 berusia 3 tahun kebawah.

-jangkitan melalui sentuhan secara langsung (direct contact from one person to another) dgn -lelehan dari hidung and tekak atau najis.

-lagi senang dijangkiti kalau di minggu pertama virus bermula.

tanda jangkitan?

- demam panas yg tinggi (>39 darjah)

- ruam lampin (amat ketara)

-bintik2 merah di tangan and kaki (mcm campak)

-ruam di tangan especially tapak tangan and kaki

-ulser mulut

-hilang selera makan, penat/ lesu, tak aktif

-restless di waktu malam

kesan?

boleh menyebabkan jangkitan paru2 and jantung (according to our doctor).

kalau jangkitan tak serius, biasanya akan ok selepas 10 hari...

anak akan hilang selera makan, susut berat badan, ulser mulut, tak boleh tido malam.

even ruam or bintik merah dah hilang tapi virus masih ada - and bole menyebabkan jangkitan.

susulan daripada jangkitan kedua boleh berlaku- kalau serius and perlu dipantau oleh parents.

komplikasi?

-if tak serius, boleh sihat dalam tempoh 7-10 hari.

- if not, infection boleh menyebabkan kematian...fatal.

my babies?

first time nampak bintik merah di tangan fifi and amani, aku ingatkan sbb kena gigit dek nyamuk or semut (maklmla baru balik dr beraya). then it became more serious bila bintik tu mcm berair. amani start demam, tapi aku duk ingatkan sbb berjangkit demam dari ayah depa. so aku bagi ubat demam mcm biasa. bila bintik di tangan fifi and amani makin ketara, fifi plak yg demam. that day, memang dia tak melompat mcm biasa. senyap jer tengok tv and lesu semcm. bila dah demam panas, aku ingatkan campak sbb bintik2 merah makin banyak and it seem like chicken pox. aku duk fikir, takkan campak lagi...huby pun start pikir yg sama. bila tangan and kaki amani makin ketara, pi check up..sbb takut kudis or allergic.

rupa2 dr cakap hfmd...aku time tu dah naik gabra..memang takut sangat sbb even aku dah pernah baca pasal ni tapi aku tak ingat kesan dia. ambik tak pusing sampailer kena dek anak sendiri. fifi langsung tak nak susu and makan sbb ulser mulut and blister. dr cakap tak serius lagi so kami kena tengok tiga simptom - tak aktif, muntah2 and sesak nafas. kalau ada tiga2 tanda ni, maknanya kena bawak pi pital and serius. perasaan aku? tak yah cakap la. ayah depa pun tak sampai hati tengok tangan and kaki fifi yg teramatla menyedihkan. susut berat badan dia. muka pun dah nampak kecik.

nasib baik amani tak serius mcm kakak dia. a few days jer bintik tu naik. lepas dah start mkn ubat, dia aktif mcm biasa, bintik pun dah tak ada. alhamdllilah. cuma fifi yg teruk skit. malam2 tak leh tido sbb duk garu..actually, tak bole di biarkan, so selalunya kami gosok jer. sian kat huby sbb terpaksa mengorbankan tido.

sudahla fifi ni susah sangat nak bagi makan ubat, lagila huby tak sampai hati nak suap. aku ler....kalu menangis pun, menangis la dalam hati. tak sampai hati tengok anak sakit mcm tu.

hari ni tengok fifi dah start menari2 balik. aku lega yang amat sangat. susu pun dah start minum semalam. alhamdullilah..cuma makan jer kurang lagi. bintik still ada and ada yg makin susut. ruam di punggung pun dah makin tak ada...lega sangat.

dr advised bagi makan ais krim sbb blister dalam mulut. air pun air sejuk, jgn panas or suam. fifi tido pun tak berbaju sbb gatal and panas. tak bole bagi dia dalam keadaan berpeluh, or else bintik2 merah akan memedihkan dia.

yg sedihnya, fifi tak bole bagitau kami kat mana dia sakit...apa yg dia rasa...haih..tetiba teringat time dia sakit kuning and being warded dulu. fragile sangat2...

so parents yg kat luar tu, take note la...mcm aku ni, ignorant sangat. bila dah jadi, mulala kalut baca apa yg ada...mula la sibuk simpan info..

selamat hari raya

selamat hri raya to all

hopefully this year bring ur a great joy and hapiness...

soyi yer terlambat wish..

raya tahn ni, yg sonoknyer tengok fifi and amani

yang tak sonoknyer bila handbag hilang bersertakan purse, camera and etc..huhuhu

nantiler kiter citer lagi k.

malam ni kasi intro dulu.

permata hati ibu and ayah

amani - sama tak dgn kakak dia?

cold

nak tido tapi takleh tido

mata dah ngantuk ni tapi rasa mcm berat sangat nak bum bum

badan memang rasa penat sbb otak rasa penat sangat

nape ek?

sbb anak2 bertuah aku demam...dua2 lak tu...

demam selsema lak tu

penat.... aku pun rasa mcm nak demam ni

tulunnn

double joy

hepi sesangat ari ni sbb jeng jeng

first time ever i heard amani called me eebu..hahaha. yelah, selama ni duk panggil aku yah yah.. amani's first word was ayah. amazing kan? walaupun dalam nada yg mcm marah sbb nak lepaskan yah tu..unlike fifi, her first word was bubu.. sejuk tul badan ibu yg mengandung. actually tak kisahla mana2 pun, kan?

second, today she took 3 steps forward (yes! she's finally start to walk) toward me without holding my hand. walla. only when she realized that she was not holding my hand or kerusi then she panic and fall down. and yes, she was smiling. :)

teringat time fifi mula2 berjalan. fifi ni lain skit. agak malu nak tunjuk yg dia bole jalan depan aku or her ayah. selalunya nak kena pegang tangan baru nak jalan. istimewanya fifi ni, dia hanya akan jalan sorang2 without holding anything when the light was off. adala one night hubby pura2 tido (memang huby yg tidokan anak sulung) and fifi lak merangkak ke bilik. tiba2 jer huby tengok fifi berjalan ke arah huby perlahan2. tup2 jer dah ada depan mata. punyala terkejut huby time tu. sejak ari tu fifi jalan sendiri. sweet kan?

incidents

1st incident:

i gave amani serai to play with when i want to cook lunch last week. it give me some time or else i have to play with her. lagipun dia duk tarik baju aku...so kena bagi something yg boleh ralitkan dia. selalunya amani main drum dgn serai tu. tapi that day special skit. without me noticing it she went to the living room where her sister was. they end up with a lot of screaming as fifi tried to grab 'serai' from amani. i noticed two things since that day. amani is a lot stronger and fast. u can never imagine how fast she run with her walker towards the kichen and her face was full of determination to get to me as fast as she can. walla...when she reached me, she have this cicky smiles that i dont know how to response. her sis? menangis ler sbb tak dapat tarik serai dari tangan amani. aku? haih...

2nd incident:

i was washing our aquarium with makcik sanniah help. sementara nak nunggu air penuh dalam tangki, makcik sanniah went out to help me jemurkan baju. nak dijadikan cerita pintu cermin tak ditutup rapat. risaukan anak2 kucing masuk aku sruh ler fifi tutupkan pintu. selalunya dia tutup tak kunci tapi hari tu fifi pi kuncikan pintu lak. imagine betapa paniknya makcik sanniah kat luar pintu bila aku panggil dia. rupanya fifi lock terus. aku time tu tengah duk pegang paip air and for sureler air dah melimpah mcm sungai. alahai..bila aku surh fifi bukak pintu, fifi lak lari menceceh ke kerusi sbb panik tengok air, siap menjerit takut lagi. respon aku? emmm tak reti dah nak cakap per.

3rd incident:

aku marahkan fifi yg pukul amani tapi sudahnya amani marah aku balik dgn hentak2 tangan atas walker dia. siap jeling lagi bila aku duk diam. respon aku? mmmmm


4th incident:

huby tolong urutkan belakang aku (sejak last week asyik berangin jer badan gara2 makan laksa tak ingat dunia and tak ingat nak pantang kan). ada ler aku menjerit skit sbb sakit. yg si kakak fifi lak duk jerit2 kat aku. ingatkan aku gaduh dgn ayah dia. without me knowing it, fifi pi gigit lengan aku...respon aku? sakit giler, huhuhu.

haih...poning poning...nak gelak pun ada.

wedding

to zai and sid

happy wedding day

may Allah bless your newfound hapiness

may your wedding last forever

may you found the hapiness that you're looking for

sid - am sorry for not be able to be there on your special day. i pray for you and your new family. glad that you two married!!!

rompin

last friday huby bawak pi holiday ke kuala rompin. dah lama tak amek cuti and amek kesempatan cuti ahad (for zai's wedding) to rest instead.



original plan nak ke Summerset tapi sbb tak nak terlebih budgt we choose Rompin Beach Resort.



it took us about 2 hours and after dah pening2 pusing kami pun sampaila kat tempat yg last minute dituju. the rate was just nice and we just focus on one thing - to let fifi plays with water as long as she wants.



after check in, terus ayah depa bwk pi swimming. fifi? tak yah cakap ler...excited sesangat sampai telan ayaq banyak. tak amek gambar pun sbb ibu depa pun duk excited mandi sama.huhuhu.



dah penat mandi, pi pantai lak kat belakang chalet..not bad tapi mcm sunyi sesangat. bagi budak2 ni main pasir jap terus balik bilik- penat.



petang tu pi pantai hiburan - dekat jer dari resort (2km) and pekena rojak ayam, laksa and abc- kalu bole memang nak pekena rojak depa lagi. org pun lebih ramai kat sini- memang jadi tumpuan. so jalan2 and rest...si ibu hapy ler sbb dah lama tak cuti ngan huby kan...



mlm tu fifi demam..maybe sbb terminum air kolam..sepanjang malam berkepit dgn ayah dia. tak mau aku peluk pun..sudahnya aku tido jerla ngan amani.



after breakfast and rest, kami berangkat pulang. nak kena cari hadiah kat pengantin..



penat - sampai ari ni terasa penat. sib baik fifi demam sehari jer. naik risau kami.

gambar pun takleh upload lagi - connection gilong skit