This is ME..

degil..

tak pernah nak faham perasaan org lain..

keras hati...

pentingkan diri sendiri?

is this me?



i am what i am... maybe i am all above. maybe i myself dont understand myself. but i do know me..

ada org tahu ke yg aku ni jenis pendendam? yg aku ni jenis simpan dalam hati sampai berkarat, sampai bernanah, sampai berdarah? no....tak ramai yg tahu...

ada org tahu ke aku ni jenis tadah emotional burden? tak ada... sbb aku sendiri tak tahu mcm mana nak bagitau org lain apa yg aku rasa sebenar..most of it terkurung dalam kotak. bila aku bukak, aku sendiri yg menangis sbb tak ada org faham...siapa yg nak faham kalau diri sendiri tutup kotak tu rapat2 kan...

tapi ini aku.... this is me. please try to understand...ada sebb kenapa aku berdiam. jgn dipaksa minta aku faham org lain sedangkan org lain tak cuba nak faham aku. jgn minta aku bukak pintu hati yg kering ni sbb dah terlalu lama kering...biar aku tadah mcm mana pun, bila aku dah sakit, aku tak bole berlakon aku sihat. bila aku dah putus asa pada harapan yg sedikit, there is no turning point for me anymore.

let me be me..let me be happy for the sake of me. let me open my box little by little.

i guess...i can wait...

i can understand...

and i know i have to give some time for you to settle down

but this heart insist to hear your voice...

to know that u are ok...

to know that u can cry with me

to know that you can share every single bit of your tears..

i really want to hear your voice...

i really need to stop this aching heart of mine..

am i selfish

the same old me

i'm still the same old me k...noticing some of my old friends keep insisting that i LOOK different (well..age does play some role) and that MY OLD SELF also changing..which i dont i am..am i? nay...still clumsy as ever, impatient as ever, moody- well..it does change a bit..

i'm still the same..believe me..

hotzzz

dah lama tak ujan kat segamat ni...malam ni ujan sat jer.....

what new in my life?

havent been updating my blog for awhile uh. been busy with my kids and trying to get my hands on flower dipping..much to my regret, it was indeed a tricky process and i've been very frustrated as the time goes by. haih..newey..am not going to give up, not when i'm planning to have MY dip flowers for my bro in law's hantaran...i can understand why people charging rm 15 and above for ONE dip flower..it was indeed a frustrating process (or it just me?).

hantaran pertunangan my bro in law

bekas cincin

hantaran buah

wish i could do more...but alhamdullilah....done it with budget given and thankful that the ceremony went well for both parties.

komppius

tak tau nak cakap apa...

otak tak jalan bab2 ni

bingung sebenarnya

nak nasihat pun tak reti

sakit kepala lak pikir benda2 ni

haih...

bz year?

next year insya Allah, we are going to welcome new members to the family.

no, i'm not pregnant...yet.

on my huby' side, this january i'll be busy preparing for my bro in law's engagement. seronok dapat buat hantarn for him..

wedding? maybe next year jgk but tak confirm bulan brapa..

on my side lak..insya Allah..my sis bulan march.

moga2 dipermudahkan...insya Allah.

lani otak tengah duk pikir nak decorate mcm mana utk hantaran my bro in law...

since the theme is pink, i need to be a bit more creative...yelah...pink tu....

anyway..may Allah bless these couple.

suprise from huby

i am suprised today...

dapat besday present from huby...

p/s: i'm sharing the same besday with jackson rathbone..(vampire jasper) huhuhu.except i'm older than he is lah

sweet

i remember one special occasion this month.

i remember the date

but i dont remember the day.

my huby, thank u sayang..... :)

wishing my birthday through facebook, so sweeetsss...

reverse role

fifi and amani...i'm not sure which one the eldest and youngest. reverse role betul budak2 ni...kalau dulu afifah yg garang and selalu nak pukul amani, nowdays, amani lak yang selalu duk kejar fifi dengan raket, rotan or apa shj yg ada di tangan.

kalau dulu amani yg lari terkedek2 ke dapur cari aku, lani fifi lak yg menyorok bawah kain aku. haih...

received sms from my schoolmate today...one of our friends died yesterday from an accident at grik...she was 3 months pregnant...may she rest in peace..al fatihah

my angel

fifi ada role baru dalam diari ibu dia...she will choose which t shirt or blouse for me to wear everytime we went out for outing....demand would be a better word to describe how she bossie me around these days..haih...

salam aidilfitri

salam aidilfitri...to those who text me, thank you...via cards, thank you..hope you guys having a wonderful aidilfitri this year with beloved family.

my daughter

fifi - during her medical check up.

while waiting for her turn, we played with a cute baby girl. what suprised me was that the way she acted towards the baby and how she hold those tiny little fingers so gently. suddenly one of the nurses asked her

nurse: kakak ifah nak baby tak?

fifi: nak (while looking at her and me)

nurse: cakap kat mamala nak baby

fifi: nak baby ( not asking me but at the baby's mother) hehehehe...

baby's mother: ala, baby ni tak bolehla..nanti acik tak leh tido malam.

clueless

I was a quick wet boy,

diving too deep for coins

All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys

Then when the cops closed the fair,

I cut my long baby hair

Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found youFlightless bird,

jealous,

weeping or lost you,

american mouth

Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat

Nursing my sore blunt tongue

Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks

Pissing on magazine photos

Those fishing lures thrown in the cold

And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found youFlightless bird,

grounded,

bleeding or lost you,

american mouth

Big pill stuck going down

can someone tell me what this song is all about??????????

fly away my little bird

touch my sorrow if you can feel my pain

blow away my pain if you can touch my heart

paint me with rainbow if you can see my soul

bleed me if you cant see any

words...so many voices in my head...cram me with headache. how long have i put my imagination away so it can came into my head like flowless river? i have the urge to write what have been playing in my mind. and somehow, my hand felt lifeless..

so many voices......

hate me

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you.

Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me?

It is I that wanted space

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

unexpected

changes

is there a limitation to what that can be change?

or restriction on what can or cannot be change?

i feel hopeless sometimes

whenever changes happen

not knowing what the best for myself

more than often questioning myself

if its the right one for me

my little garden

actually dah start since bulan 3 lagi. lani baru nampak hasil. inilah keja aku pepagi bila makcik sanniah datang tolong kemaskan umah. adala dalam 54 guni aka pokok. yg seronoknya bila berkebun ni time apa yg kita tanam tumbuh and menjadi. alhamdullilah, dapatla merasa hasil sendiri.